Aluminum Bárons²

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The cover for their first album "Teflon Free" which was used only in the USA. Notice how since they're semi-retarded, the ² is in the wrong place.
The cover for their first album "Teflon Free" which was used internationally. Notice how the ² is in the right place.

Aluminum Bárons² is a popular band that exclusively uses pots and pans as instruments. Formed in 2004, the band, instead using guitars and drums like regular bands, wildly bangs together pots and pans to create background music.

Their singer, Thomas Shore, also bangs pots and pans for music. Thomas, however, in 200X was nearly removed from the band for one incident in which he tapped his finger on a chair as opposed to a pot or pan. From that point, they separated for three years; only to come back due to extreme popularity.

Origin[edit]

The Aluminum Bárons² consist of Thomas Shore (Singer/Rhythm Pot-Banger), Jason Rice (Lead Pan-Smacker), and Shirley McCall (Backup Vocalist/Lead Pot-Banger), all born in Baltimore, Maryland where they met at Inner Baltimore School for the Semi-Retarded. One night, they went into the boarding school's kitchen and started playing with the pots and pans. They never broke the habit and continued to do it every night until they left the school at the age of 19.

They were all broke and got fired at their job at Steak & Shake for banging the pots together (not a sexual reference) instead of cooking the food. After three years of homelessness, they were dumpster diving and found a pristine set of pots and pans. They put out a tip jar and started banging on them while Thomas Shore sung. Their tip jar was soon filled with a whopping $3.29 and a gum wrapper. They celebrated by jumping up in the air in a extremely gay fashion. They decided if they could make a whole $3.29 and a gum wrapper by banging pots and pans, they should become a band. On February 23rd, 2004, Aluminum Bárons² became a band by signing a record deal with Wind-Down records. After a couple of practices, they achieved the status "Public Band". This struck a nerve with singer Thomas Shore, being the fact that he wasn't satisfied with their slow progress. The other members were actually pleased with their status mainly because of their love to bang pots and smack pans.

Career[edit]

When Aluminum Bárons² became serious about music, they gained many fans (mainly tone-deaf people and those mentally challenged) and released their first album "Teflon-Free" which included twelve songs it was critically acclaimed by many artists. Gene Simmons from KISS said in an interview, "I love it! It is so... fresh! And new. I even fuck my wife while listening to it! It's great." Many bands did covers of songs on their album. It won the Grammy for best album in 2004.

Two years later in 2006, Aluminum Bárons² released their second album entitled, "And They Said We Wouldn't Be Famous" which was also critically acclaimed. They had a song featuring Busta Rhymes who said, "It was the best song I've ever made". They went on their first tour where they went all over the world and performed. It was said to have over 100 million people at all of the shows combined.

Finally, in early 2009, they released an album called, "No Guitar, No Drums, All Cookware" which was again extremely critically acclaimed. They are planning to go on another tour in October, 2009 which is expecting billions of patrons. As lead pan-smacker Jason Rice said, "Yeah, Professor Whitesdale. You said we'd never make anything by playing with the pots and pans at the school's kitchen well guess what? WE HAVE. Go fuck yourself."

Personal Lives[edit]

For a stint in 2007, lead singer Thomas Shore was entered into rehab for a cocaine addiction. It was first noticed by a fan that saw an obvious trail of white stuff coming from his nose. After much discussion and the police searching his apartment, his addiction was confirmed. He left rehab three months later but rumors say he is still addicted to cocaine.

Jason Rice is known for his one-night stands he has with women. It is said he has fathered 100+ children due to the fact as a joke, he replaces the woman's birth control with Tic-Tacs. He's been to court over 40 times but has always gotten out of paying Child Support.

Shirley McCall is a reclusive man that is very rarely seen. He is married to a fat hooker that he met in downtown D.C. He is occasionally seen dealing weed but he's given a pass by the cops because he's in Aluminum Bárons².

Discography[edit]

  • Teflon-Free (2004)
  • And They Said We Wouldn't Be Famous (2006)
  • No Guitar, No Drums, All Cookware (2009)
  • Pots over Pianos (2011)
  • Frying Pan Beat (2013)