Arf

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Gargoyle had to call in sick due to being batshit crazy.

That's what she said. Arf, she said.

Aha! You were so certain I'd bring out the old, "pedal-depressed, panchromatic resonance and other highly ambient domains". And, yes, of course, she said, "Arf!"

Well, some of you were certain, I'm certain. Others of your elk, perhaps even yourself inclusive, know that it's all about depressing the correct piano pedals, thus creating a lingering sustain. Thus, ambience is influenced. It's much more concrete than Feng Shui, however it's spelled. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were discovered that all the space around furniture and buildings contains more dark matter, or even squid parts, than the denser matter. The more, the less. As above, so below. A penny saved, melted and sold for scrap is probably worth more than a penny.

Damage to the dog's mind was slight, and soon was inevident. Gnarled, knurled knobs are generally hefted for dog recoveries. Other times, mythological creatures are called in the middle of the night and told to hide in their closets. Harrumph!

Harrumph! Harrumph!

Moochy the Bastard Clown had been drinking heavily when he arrived at 2117 Mildewberry Lane. He crawled across the bench seat of the 1964 American Motors Rambler and spilled out onto the sidewalk, a half dozen helium balloons escaping along with him. As the lofted cargo reached 44 meters in altitude, the exploded with such force, one after the other, that homes shook for miles around, windows shattered, cats were vaporized and of course, the birthday party was ruined.

Three hours later, police detectives traced the source of the explosions and converged upon the address with helicopters and swat teams. A gaggle of geese was reduced to pulp because anything that travels in something called a "gaggle" needs killing. Next, humans were isolated and evacuated to a music studio across town.

The birthday girl was devastated when someone broke her nose with a vase filled with toads. She stomped her little footies in her jammies, but the gargoyle never came.