Beaver
A beaver lurks deep in the bowels of the basement, plotting the demise of the occupying family of humans. It sits and thinks, scours the internet for all manner of murderous methodology. Snakes have been eliminated early on. Without a catapult, there would be no room for the cassowaries. In order to eliminate the red link for good, this would have to be a somewhat substantial article.
When the Romans launched their own surprise attack on Carthage, sphincters were heard to quiver from within the city walls. Boxes of sunglasses were delivered to a wrong address, and for want of a horse, there was no horse. Hannibal posted to his Facebook wall that "neener neener neener, you don't have sunglasses". The news was devastating to ZZ Top. Still, they had their beards.
When the Missouri Compromise was ratified by baseball fans, Carlita achieved that fabled 8th chakra of cantankerousness and was finally admitted to the Guinness Book of World Stoutness. She immediately had three vertebrae removed in order to achieve ultimate stoutness, got pregnant and swelled immensely.