Cookies that talk and drive cars into lakes and don't listen to their mothers because they don't care

Believe it or not, there are actually cookies that can talk and do such things as drive cars. Unfortunately, they have a tendency to drive into lakes and possibly other substantial bodies of water. They also have a habit of not listening to their mothers. Why? Because they don't care. No one knows where they came from.

National issue

Cookies that talk and drive cars into lakes and don't listen to their mothers because they don't care was announced as a "national issue" by prime minister of the UK Gordon Brown after pulling a cookie out of a jar, only for it to flip him a middle finger and run off, locking itself in his bedroom, listening to Metallica.

Speculation this extremely important phenomenon

Of the 4 people that studied this incident, 3 concluded that it was due to a bad chemical used in most branded cookies, and politely spoke to Gordon Brown to request that he call for the removal of this chemical, which is mildly poisonous to eyries, hallucinogenic to kittens and, purportedly, the colour of the chemical can make a tornado almost a third larger. The other, a wine-drunk, frustrated, middle aged lady in a bad dress that you hate the colour of, concluded that the cookies' bad behaviour was due to poor discipline and freedom to listen to whatever music it liked.

Of course, the chemical was never removed, which caused many cases of heart attacks, extremely confused dogs, and would have made tornados a bit worse if there were any. Luckily, though, everything was solved, as posters were put up for two weeks condoning the idea of "physically educating" your cookie; also Metallica was banned.