Dear vet, why has my pet rabbit grown wings and a propeller

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Alas it is too late.

Dear vet,

I would like to inquire about a strange defect on my pet rabbit. When I woke up this morning, my pet rabbit was flying around the house and when I finally got it to land, I quickly realised that Louis XVII (my rabbits name) had grown into a small plane. I mean, everything was there, wings, propeller, a set of landing gear. What is going on? My rabbit will hop about, indicating to me that it wants to go outside and start flying about, but I'm really really concerned, I mean, we live very close to the airport, planes come in at about 200 feet, what if a plane gets rabbit-striked?

Already it has caused damage to things. This morning, my neighbour was having a cigarette outside her front door. My rabbit flew over and poop-bombed her. How disgusting! I also heard reports of an animal trespassing the airport nearby and trying to perform touch-and-goes on the runway. She's also pregnant, I can imagine the trauma for her and the babies if she gives birth in the air.

Can you please help us? What would be a good time to book an appointment?

Yours sincerely,

Sergei A. Diethylamide

Reply from vet[edit]

Dear Sergei,

I'm very sorry to hear about this. We understand how much you love your pet rabbit -- perhaps it would be enlightening to know that you are not the only one with this problem. Over 50 rabbits have been identified with this issue in your area.

Unfortunately we have no conclusive evidence as to why your rabbit has turned into a plane. Yet, we have some ideas:

  1. You exposed your rabbit to Watership Down, and, as a defense mechanism, it has grown the ability to fly in order to escape from capture by rabbit-snatchers. Always place your rabbit in a different room if you are watching Watership Down as rabbits are very sensitive to threats of danger and may develop paranoia at any point, leading to actual physical change.
  2. Your rabbit is facing the effects of evolution. While you may think that this is impossible and totally insane as the new parts should be made out of organic tissue, anything is technically possible with evolution.
  3. You have dipped your rabbit in molten steel and left it to cool overnight. This may have left the remnants of wings and other metallic structures on your rabbit, but this is highly unlikely as the rabbit would probably burn to death.

Nevertheless, we are happy to discuss your issues. Please do come at a suitable time on Friday, preferably around 5pm, where we will assess your pet and see how we can treat him.

Yours faithfully,

Dr. Jean-Vergne Aycult
Head Administrator
Clinique vétérinaire, 3ème arrondissement, Paris