Early Morning Television

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“(A huge explosion is seen while the Belgian equivalent of Arnold Schwarzenegger runs towards the Taliban's clearly labelled headquarters) Quick! We don't have much time! You've got to get the bomb in there before it's too late.... Does anyone even watch these programs?”

~ Guy 1

“A few people do, mainly drug addicts who like the colours.”

~ Guy 2

“Maybe we aren't advertising these programmes enough, because everyone knows this is prime time. I mean, why else would they put these programs on so far past the children's bed times?”

~ Guy 1

“Yeah, or it might have something to do with the fact our PR department keeps being assassinated.”

~ Guy 2

“Nahh. So, What is everyone else doing around now?”

~ Guy 1

“Most people are asleep right about now, including the cameraman! There's probably still some tormented sex maniacs still awake who've lost the remote.”

~ Guy 2

“That's about 78% of the population!!!”

~ Guy 1

“Yeah, but they're mainly watching the porn channels.”

~ Guy 2

“There are porn channels!! Where can I get in on this?!?!?”

~ Guy 1

“Man you've been living with your mother too long dude. YES of course there are porn channels, a whole lot of them too - all of them taking place really late at night to annoy randy night workers who aren't able to watch them.”

~ Guy 2

“So do these channels get better ratings than us?”

~ Guy 1?

“*Beats Guy 1 over the head with the autocue* OF COURSE THEY DO!!! They get more ratings than the number of people sponging off the government in Europe alone! All this talk of porn and good ratings gives me an idea; if I do a little bit of 'studio engineering' then... (Tinkers with the studio equipment to show the Playboy Channel on a nearby TV; The cameraman suddenly wakes up and a large group of previously unseen people flood into the studio and gather around the television) Yep. I told you EVERYONE loves these channels.”

~ Guy 2

“Quiet!! I can't hear Das PussyVator!!”

~ Guy 1

“Yeah, shutup!!”

~ Cameraman

4 hours of Das PussyVator later[edit]

“Dude, it's almost 7 in the morning, should we turn this stuff off and put some cartoons on for the kids? I mean, their parents aren't exactly going to be chuffed to see their little darlings watching PussyVator: Bendy Sluts Go Backwards through a Door are they?”

~ Guy 2

“I think Das PussyVator offers something for the whole family, and anyway it's way past the kiddies' bed time.”

~ Guy 1

“Fair enough. (Another 4 hours of semi-legal x-rated television ensues, resulting in much permanent mental scarring, children being sent angrily back to bed and large scale grown-up talk time taking place in front of the television).”

~ Guy 2