Fossil fuels are the most inefficient means of obtaining energy since hamster wheel power. The idea is simple enough; burning the fossils of dinosaurs between the ages of 5 and 6 thousand years. Ancient Christian mystics first proposed the use of so-called "Greek fire", a lower intestinal syndrome brought on by the ingestion of huge amounts of feta and grape leaves. The resultant disturbance manifests itself in the form of flaming butt poops.
As the Emperor Constantine learned to increase his intelligence quotient by 10%-35%, the upper digestive reticulations soon became constabularies in their own right. He declared martial law and seized all the state reserves of weasels, in order to create an artificially unstable market.