IllogiNews:Headlines/2011
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| Jeremy | Farbleum | Arche | Arply | Aym | Yoon | Jumbly | Ergust | Serpeniver | Octodest | Novelniver | Ditzimber |
Ditzimber[edit | edit source]
- Santa Claus begins night of terror, awarding wedgies to all on the naughty list. And the good list as well.
- 2011 declared 'almost dead', given less than two weeks to live
- Kim Jong-il leaves legacy as corn whisperer
- Infanticide most popular sport in Denmark
- Newswires: Santa goes on strike
- Christmas promptly re-instated by Kung Fu Mecha Jesus With Cookies. Santa cheesed off.
- Christmas cancelled by Daily Mail. Santa rejoices.
- Crazy boy Kim dead. Justef Beibalin takes his place
- Report: its totaly fine to make mistakes. AFter all we're all hunam
Novelniver[edit | edit source]
- Greek economy explodes. World implodes
- Roberto effegies burned on bonfires nationwide, Anti-Illogicopedians vow revenge
- Yet another Halloween passes without dead rising from their graves; not even a zombified Michael Jackson comes to the party
- Vegetarian animals the 'next big thing', say studies
Octodest[edit | edit source]
- Not much happens, news archivers forced to pad out content with non-linked 'stories'
- Fat man uses own body as ant hill
- Illogical politics as usual
Serpeniver[edit | edit source]
- Leaks of original drafts of Grateful Dead song "Me And My Uncle" found on Illogicopedia; lyrics talk about Star Trek
- Litter a see is on Dee Kline expurtz say
- US Exploding food advisory
- Illogicomedia Foundation unveils new logo
- Feral Winnebago captured after rampage through office park
- ?pedia has stake in baby crushing competition
- Prom queen tries to write news
- First picture emerges of man charged with double murder of two women in Oxfordshire
- Badger gathering recalls simpler times
- Illogicomedia Foundation appoints Bard Benevolent Dictator For Life
Ergust[edit | edit source]
- Blacula kills Donald Trump, homicide found to be justified
- Leaked Drafts of first Harry Potter film Released!
- Veganism as environmentally harmful as meat production, scientists prove
- Whale swims through downtown London
- Ex-Wal-Mart employee pleads guilty to fraud
- HSCPZ!
- Pickle perfectors presented with plastic pickle for posterity
- Scientists: Hippocrabs "present no threat to local fish population"
- Admin announcement: Do not edit Illogicopedia whilst under the influence of fried calamari
- Enter the Chicken tops film charts for ninth week, cocks celebrate
- Another_n00b challenges people to look at creepy images
Jumbly[edit | edit source]
Yoon[edit | edit source]
- Whuh? MOAR HOSCOPZ?
- John Lennon actually said "we are bigger than cheeses," proved right in any case.
- Bert bert Bert bert bert bert Bert bert, but Bert is actually Fred.
- Can't get through the kitchen door? You may be big boned, say biologists
- Trilobite invasion imminent, Pentagon balls up
- Expert expert bred, experts baffled
- Biological world rocked by discovery of hirsute avian
- Spanish government website goes offline, meddling kids blamed once again
- Quantum mechanics explains ghosts, say flightworthy experts
- New iCloud set for stormy weather; Apple users run out of money
- War on cyber crime escalates as Tupac rises from the grave
- "It's bloody hot, mate": Australian climate change hits Oceanians hard
Aym[edit | edit source]
- Obama visits Britain, wishes he'd stayed in Florida
- Kenneth Clarke: "Nothing is worse than rape, except maybe slightly worse rape"
- Twitter names superinjuction footballer as Ivanasti Chestikov
- Queen visits Ireland, is found to be actual pot of gold
- N00bs found to be more than 600 years old, newbies no longer?
- Lizard men finalise plans for world domination™
- Hackers restore Playstation Network after ransom of 300,000 free Warcraft accounts is paid
- Pasta declared "scarier than Amy Winehouse"
- Snakes found riding a plane; does anybody care, really?
- Teh old horoscopes are in!
- Osama bin Laden murdered in water pistol fight (see picture)
Arply[edit | edit source]
- Research reveals that Jesus was crucified on a Rubber Duck
- Triangle conspiracy uncovered, few care
- Silly puns announced dead whilst simultaneously living
Arche[edit | edit source]
- MJ IS UNDEAD!
- It's here! Teh new horoscopes!
- If I buy frozen chupacabra, will my dinner guests notice
Farbleum[edit | edit source]
- FINALLY! TEH NEW HOROSCOPES WITH THAT NEW OPUHHHHHHHH THINGY!
- This week in Cooking Illogically - Cajun bat-wrapped scallops
- Egyptians shoot four at Kent State
- Physicians Say Good Riddance to 'Worst Drug in History'
- Papal Bull denounces Cthulhu worship
- Lurg.
Jeremy[edit | edit source]
- ACHOO!
- GRANNY ALERT!
- DUN DUN DUN STATE OF THE UNION!
- Butt hymen restoration now practical, safe
- Man found through cheese grater
