IllogiZoo:Randumbo Elephant

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Randumbo Elephant
Elephantman10.jpg
Conservation Status
  Endangered  
Kingdom Animalia
Phylum Chordata
Class Mammalia
Order Fruit
Family Smell?
Genus Elephant
Species R. Elephantous
Weight 25 - 1800 kg. (avg)
Length 022 - 9083 meters
Binomial Name
Randumbo Elephantous

All animals are dumb - that is why they are called dumb animals. However, the dumbest and the most random of all animals is the Randumbo Elephant.

Contents

[edit] Where they Live?

Randumbo elephants are what philosophers call metaphysical animals. They exist but don't actually 'live' as such, so no point (and I am talking to divorced dads here) going off with the kids to watch the Randumbo elephants at the zoo. Because they don't live there or in Africa or India or...well anywhere I can think of. You see Randumbo Elephants live somewhere so secret that you need a dictionary to find one. Just write out and any word - and whatever you see, Randumbo elephants will exist as if by magic.

[edit] What do they eat?

They eat up nonsense for breakfast,lunch,tea and when they go to bed at night (or day - some are very nocturnal, especially those juvenile Randumbo Elephants at university), they drink a liquidised version to brace them for an elephant of rational dreaming. Even Randumbo Elephants need to think logically sometime so why not in a pachydermic sleep.

[edit] How do the have sex"?

Randomly of course. A Randumbo Elephant is not choosy though size is important. Some try it with inanimate objects, hoping to milk a Range Rover for laughs and thinking how clever they are to think of that too. This does of course mean that successful mating for Randumbo Elephants can therefore be a bit haphazard and as a result they don't breed too well. Instead they have to travel far and wide looking for 'fresh blood' to persuade them to become one of them. Surprisingly, this a successful tactic which suggests that though these creatures are random - they are not always dumb with it.

[edit] Are they endangered?

Sadly yes because over time, it's hard to live a random life as a Randumbo Elephant. Stuff like, taxes occur and responsibilities are thrust upon them and soon enough, many Randumbo Elephants get tired of acting wacky and settle down in a semi-detached with a family. They will make every effort to 'bland' in with the local community of ex-random animals. It's hard for them to give up their ways and sometimes at the dead of night, down near the shed, the Randumbo Elephants will gather together to try and remind each other of their good old days. Like goofing and trumpeting around on the internet, feeding of unrelated ideas and them squashing them together and laughing at how funny it was to achieve that. Others will slap each other on the back with their trunks and then slowly go home, avoiding simile trappers and metaphor hunters looking for tired ideas to cliché once more.

[edit] Mammoths

These were the Randumbo elephants who stopped shaving and cutting their hair and then wandered out of the front door with the parting quip..I'm just stepping outside in the snow. I may be sometime.

[edit] Do they forget?

Sorry. What was the question? Oh...do they forget! Yes they can do and will pretend that they were never even remotely random when going for that really nice job that pays a lot for you to make rational business decisions, wear a suit and act like a two legger as they describe the human race.

[edit] Any relation to Dumbo?

Let's get to the pub before it starts snowing.

Yes but not in a way that can be safely said in public. Elephants, ears...you know...

[edit] Can they steal my girlfriend, drive my car and impersonate me at Ascot?

Well having four legs is a big of a disadvantage with driving but Randumbo Elephants can of course get round this physical problem by just doing it anyway. So the answer is yes.

[edit] Randumbo Elephant's Graveyard

That is the saddest thing. Yes in the end, Randumbo Elephants will eventually make their excuses, pack their trunks and - avoiding the circus - will disappear to die surrounded by the bones of obsolete jokes and the grinning skulls of ancestors wishing that life had worked out a bit different after all.