Journalism

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This word can refer to either of two of the great religions of the world.

Throughout the woodpulp-paper countries of the world, Journalism commonly refers to the worship of a daily newspaper. Much worship is of a private nature, typically done while taking communion with toast and coffee with the object of adoration propped up on the coffee cup. In large cities, however, it's also common to have morning prayer meetings, in which as many as forty or fifty Journalism members will gather together in a steel box on wheels and worship their Journals as they're carried through tunnels, typically running parallel to city sewers. The symbolism of the routing of the boxes next to the sewers is not widely understood.

Mosquito after landing on beach

A less well known -- less well known, at least, in the so called "first world", or, in mathematician's terms, the "zeroth world" -- form of Journalism is practiced in the portions of the world where wood pulp is not used for producing Journals. It is, in fact, a subsect of the Cargo religion, or Cargo Cult, as it's sometimes called. Journalism, in its pure form, consists of worship of the end of a drive shaft extracted from a DeHavilland Mosquito. The original sect, which arose on Slobkin Island (located 1243 miles southwest of Guam), centered around the journal of the port side drive shaft of Mosquito number 21, nicknamed by her crew "Oh No Not Again!", shortly after she made what is politely referred to as a "hard landing" on the northern beach of Slobkin Island in July of 1947, after spending some months flying over the southern Pacific ocean looking for their home airfield after receiving news via the newly invented radio that the war had ended two years earlier. RAF records indicate that the plane was flying out of Knightsbridge Field, north of London, on VJ day, so it's not entirely clear how she came to be lost in the South Pacific, but it's suspected that her navigator, who had had just about enough of the war at that point, may have been drinking.

Curious natives, after hearing the sound of the approaching airplane, and observing the spout of sand blown into the air by her vertical landing, rushed to the beach to look into the newly formed crater and see what cargo might have fallen from the sky. However, the only recognizable piece of the airplane (or crew) which remained was the drive shaft of the port engine.

The religion subsequently spread, first to nearby islands, and later to islands across the whole southern Pacific ocean. Unfortunately, since no Mosquito was ever intentionally flown on missions in the Pacific, the only members of the species which were ever known to wash up on Pacific islands were either flown by crews which were hopelessly lost, or they were actually some other sort of airplane entirely. Consequently, finding the journal from the port engine shaft of such an airplane was difficult, at best. This eventually led to the first great schism in Journalism, which was to result in generations of strife between the old Portside Journalists and the newer Starboardside, also called Reformed, Journalists.