Jurassic Park

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“I promise that every family making less than $250,000 a year will not see their taxes drop one cent, and chances are I will raise them.”

~ Stegosaurus Obama on Jurassic Park

“What a Jura**hole!”

~ Rush Limbosaurus Rex on the above quote

“Never will there be a motion picture based on my country, or you can bury me alive!”

~ Raptor Windberg on Tacos

“Here's a shovel!”

“DO'H!”

~ Homer Simpson on something

“Fossilzed mosquitoes? That's a big load of hooey. How about some mouthwatering carbon, everyone?”

~ Benito Mussolini on Me

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! CHAOS THEORY! DINOSAURS ARE RUNNING WILD! MAYBE DARWIN WAS RIGHT! HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLP! THEY'RE COMMIES, TOO!”

The People's Communist Republic of Jurassic Park is a state existing between Asia and Australia. It is known for a complete lack of evolution, and 4333% of its citizenry are dinosaurs. The remaining 3% are Homo sapiens and cats, that probably immigrated from Japan.

The People's Communist Republic of Jurassic Park
What a primitive nation!

Communist america.jpg Godmode.jpg
(Flag) (Coat of Arms)
Motto: "Evolution is RETARDED!" (de facto)
Anthem: Jurassic Pride and Terror
Jurassicpark.jpg
Capital Jurassic, D.C.
Largest city Crapaloni
Official languages English, Roar, Womainsh
Government Communist, Slapfest
Prime Minister None! However: Supreme Leader Raptor Windberg and Mayor Stegosaurus Obama (P)
National Hero(es) Groucho Marx, Jack Michaelson, Dr. Phil
Currency Toilet Paper
Religion Christian atheism
Population 255,552,555,255,258,258,858,588.2151505
Area 56 in.2
Population density Nonexistant
Ethnic groups Dinosaurius, low amounts of Homo sapiens and Cats
Major exports Fear
Major imports Blood
National animal T-Rex
Favourite pastime Eating humans
Opening hours Easter
Internet tld .jurasprk
Calling code 4656-33444-445


History[edit]

Main Article: History of Jurassic Park

Prehistory[edit]

Jurassic Park took place many billions of years ago. Dinosaurs populated the land, and such. Bill O'Reilly was the founder of Jurassic Park, as well as its lesser known cousin, Triassic Landfill. T-Rex took the reigns from O'Reilly in 4369060345890589034 B.C.O.P. After the Ice Age, all the creatures magically turned into something different.

Middle Ages[edit]

Jurassic Park then skipped directly to the Middle Ages. Dinosaurs were extinct on the planet, except for the ugly ones living in Jurassic Park. At this time, Jurassic Park was a democracy. All free adult males with property could vote in general elections.

18th Century[edit]

After skipping time again, Jurassic Park was colonized by Great Britain. King George taxed them to oblivion. The dinosaurs would have eaten them, but he had a gun. By 1779, Britain just gave them their independence since they were too busy fighting the Americans, since their land was more valuable.[1]

19th Century[edit]

Even after the Industrial Revolution, they were still primitive. That's all.

WWII[edit]

Although WWII had no direct effect in Jurassic Park, the citizens overthrew the Democratic Republic of the Jurassic Park and created the modern People's Communist Republic of Jurassic Park thanks to Marxist influence over there.

Politics[edit]

Jurassic Park has an unelected Supreme leader who is currently Raptor Windberg. They also have a Mayor who has authority on some domestic policies such as taxes and peanut sweeping. Stegosaurus Obama currently holds this office. The Mayor is elected by all male dinosaurs with property.

Responsibilites of Supreme Leader[edit]

  • Foreign policy
  • Reproduction
  • Lying
  • Propagating
  • Governing
  • Lying
  • Monkey dancing
  • Eating
  • Breathing
  • Sleeping
  • Lying
  • Anything else we missed
  • Lying

Responsibilities of Mayor[edit]

  • Taxation
  • Peanut sweeping
  • Ballot counting
  • Truthing

Economy[edit]

Jurassic Park's main exports include:

  • Fear
  • Dinophobia
  • Good plot for a book and movie
  • Chaos theory

966% of Jurassic Park's GDP consists of government spending, waffle eating, and kitten huffing. No one knows why. Eat my shorts!

Footnotes[edit]

  1. They still lost.