Mugging a Pirate

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From time to time you might need to stop for a cup of tea.

You stick a rifle up to the face of a pirate because he's threatening your waters. Plus, he could be loaded! Pirates are usually hunting for treasure, so you might have just been lucky enough to stumble across one who has some on board.

"ARRRRRR! All I got's this here chain! I needs me eye patch and compass, else I'd be a pirate no more!"

Dissatisfied, you cock your rifle to show you mean business.

"ARRRR, OK matey, here, take my cane! I found it washed up on the shores of the East Atlantic 34 years ago, it's made of brass!"

With treasures and dollar signs in your eyes, you angrily butt the barrel of the rifle up against his chest.

"ARRRR, take my compass! Its trusty arrow has guided me all over the seven seas, around booby traps and towards me booty without fail!"

Without moving the gun, you take the compass and open it up. An arrow points to your right, which doesn't really matter because you're not really sure where north is anyways, because you're an idiot who's mugging a guy who probably isn't even a real pirate. Still hungry, you ask him where his treasure is.

"ARRRRRR! I would walk the plank before revealing the location of my berry treasure. Never will it be yours!"

You decide that this is the last straw and physical violence is necessary at this point. You swat his cane away with your rifle, causing him to hunch over. But before you can point the gun at him again, his parrot pecks your eyeball and you immediately drop to the ground in pain as he hobbles away on his wooden leg. You wake up a minute or two later, your eye throbbing, but you're back at your boring job wondering what the hell just happened to the last 15 minutes and how you're ever going to work up the motivation to finish the pile of work lying in front of you.

Sucks to be you!