One chipmunk not a rodent

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I sit at the bar at night. Alone, wating for the nights sorrowful darkness to pass.

The name's Henry Chippers. I'm a chipmunk who works for the law and the law only. I am a detective who was working on the case of Mr. Joe Squignuts whose wife was murdered.

That's me. I'm being swarmed by reporters after discovering who really killed JFK.
Last night I was walking home from the bar. I was tight on money, I needed a taxi. I could not afford a ride, and the streets of New York are dangerous at this time of night. I had to walk home. I knew what I was in for when I saw a dark figure emerge from the alleys. This figure had a baseball bat in one hand and was charging at me! I ran in the other direction, only to be run over by a car. I was out of it before I knew it.
The next thing I saw was a cow with wings in a white void. I knew where I was. or did I??? I could have sworn I was in heaven. And I was, even if it were hell. That cow was the most beautiful thing I had ever witnessed. Her eyes glimmered in the light. I was instantly in love. That is until I found out it was a bull. I ran away from the lovely, yet disgusting creature until I no longer saw him it. "I must be in hell!" I thought, darting past many men with breasts and women with facial hair. I saw a door. I am free I thought and immediately when I stepped out I saw busy roads and I looked up at the sign and it said: San Francisco Gay Lounge... I must find out who was the one who brought me here.... It must have been the one with the baseball bat coming out of the alleyway! I took a flight home. But at the airport I saw the figure again...
I chased it through the subways until I saw a train coming! I jumped on the train but the mysterious figure did not. The figure was brutally ripped apart by the impact of the train!!! The head fell into my arms. I looked at the gored head and saw it belonged to Mr. Squignuts! HE must have murdered his wife. I took the severed head to my boss, Detective George Hoobsqueak and got a promotion for my job well done. Then I went home and turned into a Pelican.

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