The Doctor

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FORGET ABOUT DRE! I'm the doctor you really want to see!

You name it I can cure it. Tuberculosis, hemmeroids, liver failure, kidney beans, a crushing sense of melancholy.

BAM!

Gone. Just like THAT!

And I've got recommendations. Boy have I got recommendations! Recommendations coming out of my ass! No one is really sure how they got up there and sitting down does cause me quite considerable pain, but by Tasselhoff I've got them! I've got your standard medical degrees, surgical license, fishing license, library card - *pauses for breath* - Nectar card, vector card, hectar card, boob inspector card, entry on the sex offenders register, and they're there! Forget the last one, ALL IN MY ASS!

So whaddayasay? Roll up roll up, step right in, come and join me, make yourself at home, GET THE HERE THE FUCK NOW! You look like you could use a'curin', and boy am I the man to do it! In fact I mentioned that just now didn't I? I sure did, I remember because I'm a doctor. And doctors always remember! Or is that elephants?

Aaah who cares, because I'm both an elephant AND a doctor!! Yessiree. What do you mean where's my trunk? I'll show you that later when you're knocked out under anaesthetic. Eh? Wink wink, nudge nudge, sexual assault, rohypnol, lawsuit.

Yeah. I'm not really a doctor.