Tony Stewart

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Tony Stewart and Hitler after Stewart huffed a cat

Tony Stewart was a fat, whiney, bitchy race car driver who is also the winningest race car driver of all time. He has won multiple championships in Formula 1, NASCAR, Indy cars, space shuttles, and wheel barrels. He is 38 years old and he is still a virgin and lives with his parents.

Remember that fat and hairy emo kid that sat in the back of the class during middle school? It was probably Tony Stewart.

Racing career[edit]

Tony first planted his fat ass into a race car when he was 2 years old. When he first started, he sucked. But in his second race, he lapped everybody 100 times before anybody else even ran 1 lap. After winning the Indy Car championship in 1997, he got too fat to fit into an Indycar, so he switched to NASCAR because the seats are bigger. He won even more races there and got the nickname "Smoke" because of his tendency to smoke weed during the race.

Open wheel career[edit]

Stewart grew up racing lawn mowers and was successful very early, winning the Formula 1 championship every year from 3000 BC to 2005. In 2006, his streak ended when finished second in points to Mickey Shoemaker by one point. Remember, he did all of this with an old lawn tractor. He was a midget until 1991, when he grew up physically to the ball of fat he is now.

In 1995, Stewart became the first driver to win racing's version of the Golden Threesome, earning championships in all three of NASCAR major divisions, Winston Cup, Busch, and Craftsman Truck. The highlights of the year were winning the Daytona 500 twice and the Indy 500 three times.

Nextel Cup Years[edit]

Stewart started his Winston Cup career with a bang, as he qualified his #20 car in second place in his first Cup race, the Daytona 500 and finished first, as usual. He showed courage in one of the 125 lap sprint car races before the 500, when involved in a big wreck with Dale Earnhardt. Both of them flipped wildly down the backstretch and Dale Earnhardt broke all 200-something bones, but all Tony got was some bruises because his huge ass cushioned the blow. He won the Brickyard 400 twice and the NASCAR championship so many times even Chuck Norris can't count it. Even more than Rusty Wallace has.

Trivia[edit]

  • During a yellow flag period, Tony has a habit of spinning out the pace car when he is in the lead. He doesn't like being behind anyone, even a pace car.
  • It took him so long to win this year because he is so fat it slows the car down.
  • In the NFL, any player bigger than him recieves free Home Depot supplies for a year.
  • Tony Stewart's nicknames include: "Smoke", "Fatass", and "Indiana Stoner".
  • Tony Stewart's car is number 20 for four reasons
    • He takes up twenty seats in the movie theater
    • He wanted the number 420 but NASCAR doesn't allow three digit numbers
    • He couldn't have the "42" from the 420, because that belongs to Pablo Pablo Juantoya, so he had to settle for the "20"
    • He smokes weed 20 Times in one race

Races Won[edit]

Too many to count.

Death[edit]

Tony Stewart once made fun of the less whiney and better version of himself that wins more races. Rainbow Boy then pulled out a shotgun and killed him. He deserved it.