Trustiness

“Sledging through the treetops, oh yeah.”

~ Mel Barbaric on folky trustiness with sledges

Oh, it slithered away. I guess it wasn't trusty. You see, trustiness is the quality of being there when you need it, and replacing itself with a bowl of fruit when you need a bowl of fruit. The trustiness rating is printed on every type of tool, device, or cattle in shaming white lettering. You won't miss it. Trust me.

Hmm. Untrusty.

Trustiness differs from trustworthiness in that you need a boat license to apply for the second one, and also it implies some degree of not lying on the floor with a newspaper over your head. Note that the equation

$Trustworthiness - worth = Trustiness$

holds, meaning that trusty things can be entirely worthless. I have a worthless, trusty thing right here, the keychimes. Ding ding.

Scale

On a scale of one to ten, the trustworthiness of some items:

• 10. Trusty tool
• 9.
• 8. Mystery ring, befuddled trope dropper
• 7. Pocket knife, keychimes
• 6.
• 5. Portable bingo game, putter, wire cutters
• 4.
• 3. Terrorism
• 2. Borg drones
• 1. Mountains, not trusty tool, suspicious tool

Yowsa, you've got some trusty tools in your tooltray there, Pal Jones!

This section fell flat

- ---- -- - - ----- -- - -- --- - - ------ - - - -- ---- ---- -- - - - - ----- - - - -- - -- - - ---- -- - ---

You can see the lettering, lying flat. I will need something trusty to prop it up again, I'd guess.

History

Jabber jabber. Jabber jabber jabber. Jabber jabber jabber jabber.

Not any such thing ever happened, you defamer. The duke of duchy was trusty to the king, leading to his demise in a guillotining accident. Everyone around him cried their eyeballs out, yet their hankerchiefs were not trusty at the time. Flooding became trusty instead.

I would not touch trustiness with a ten-foot pole, even a trusty one. Oh gabs! Paradox!

Analysis

On analysing trustiness, we find it comprises three things:

• Quality of manufacture
• Proximity
• Quietness in clandestine situations
• Competent design
• Fifth item

Oops, I can't count. That's five items not three, Python! I must not have a trusty calculator. Won't you come with me to buy one (i.e. be trusty)?

Put in some more effort

You expect to be trusty with that attitude!? Put in some more sentences. They don't have to make sense, they just have to be there. This is a pamphlet we're talking about!