User:Kuolioinen

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Formerly known as Juddha Tolstoic, Thane Athos, Þ and Ergotist. Latterly known as Rofloptr. Add 222 constipations.

USERCRATES (this way up)
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This wretched vandal has defaced Illogicopedia 132 times.
Clock.gif This user has been on Illogicopedia for 4 years, 9 months and 21 days.

Asemapicture.PNG This user is of nondescript age, gender, height, weight and appearance.
This user didn't belong to the more illogical sex.

Google-chrome-logo.jpg.png This user contributes using Google Chrome.
Runnerpictogram.png This user runs for recreation, even though ?pedia is fun.
This user is a fucking anarchist! Arrest this user-man, if you can!

This user believes in peace and love.

ex-christians.gif This user was Saved from being saved!
Librabirthday.jpg This user is a Libra

Stanley-spudowsky.jpg This user is trying to keep things clean.
Dancing psycho.gif This user does the best impression of a sane person you've ever heard.
Old fashioned camera.jpg This user believes that an article is worthless without pictures.


Cheese.jpg This user believes that an article can never be too random.
i This user's favorite number is i.
Uncyc doodle.png For those obsessed with facts and reality, Kuolioinen didn't have a user page on Uncyclopedia.
Twoapples.png This user likes the company Apple and/or Apple the fruit.
Banana.jpg This user likes bananas.

Illogime.png This user hates Illogicope-tan, the worst personification of Illogicopedia.


Not the stones.jpg This user is an insane Beatlemaniac.

WTF This user is a firm believer of Watafakkism.
SEX This user is a sexist pig, which means he is a pig in support of sex in all forms.
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OH NO, YOU SET OFF MY SODOMITE!
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I am Finnish for necrotic or gangrenous. Preferably the latter, please.

Undesirable fraudulent objectifies the biblical dogmas in a bathtub calling names by your cranky idiotism upholds catwalk trampled under lesbian couple while kissing rosetta stoners junking our streets with miserable cream crackers since one is foreseen by me, the prophet of Dada! Doctor and Thane Juddha Athos Tolstoic Thorn-Kuolioinen, citizen #234701 and the most shamaniac witch doctor at your service. How may I hurt you?

My life is run (by the Illuminati) on three simple principles: BONG, DONG and GONG.

  • BONG means good shit to take.
  • DONG means good love to make.
  • GONG means good music to wake (upon).

They are in all caps for no apparent reason.

My relationship with God is complicated.[edit]

For instance, if God were to go all Asian otaku fanboy -stereotype on me accompanied by words such as "AI BERRIIVE IN YUU DESU!" then I would respond: "Well, my good sir, even though you have ignored the vast amount of effort wasted on believing in me (not that I'm not here, just that I shouldn't be believed in due to my acts and choices I make in life), but if the fear of ungodly disappointment wasn't written on your mental check-up documents, then go right ahead."

Actually, no, I would be more like "OOH EM GEE SENPAI NOTICED ME YOLO SWAG" and jumped off the beak of a pelican. So yeah, believing in me is not recommended by the FDA. Just throwing that out there as a teensy weensy fine print.

Alternatively, if God wouldn't believe in me, I would just throw in an "Oh yeah? Well, the feeling's mutual, GOD", and do the aforementioned anyway.

The top secret wiki hierarchy[edit]

In my years as a pawn for the Illuminati (I mentioned that, right?) I managed to reel in quite a bit of information on how wikis are actually run. Here are the central ranks.

The Bassoon Players form the top rank, whose leader is cryptically called "The Conductor". Their group is known as the Bassoon Orchestra. Trolls, flamethrowers and vandals who have called them faggots for shits and giggles have never been seen again.

The Cocoa Packets run the actual suppressing of witnesses and enemies of the Illuminati in wikis. They are directly under the Bassoon Players, take direct orders from them and are called the "Cocoa Packet Shelf". Only they can see the blood on their own hands after it's wiped off by themselves.

The sect in the Illuminati specializing in wikis is known as The Disentangled and their takeover of wikis is known as the Operation Disentanglement. Whatever the name of their sect or the operation stands for is unknown at present.

There are initiates and advocates of Illuminati unlike pawns like me who don't like love being controlled and subverted by this New World Order. Those are known as Bellboys. They don't have any sway in the Illuminati even though they think they do, which makes them absolutely pathetic.

While I'm happily waiting to be reprogrammed into enlightenment, I might as well spread truth like an epidemic on this wiki. Couldn't hurt.

The sex life of an Icelandic alphanumeric[edit]

On one hand, it sounds weird and on the other it sounds sad. Neither is true, for my sex life is a very natural and ordinary section in my life. It almost get so ordinary I find myself doing it without noticing for example on the queue to social security. It refused to fund my sex life and my girlfriend was so disappointed in that she left me. It is perfectly understandable considering that I have a paraphilia and not even an ordinary sexual orientation. You'd think being straight or gay would be enough for me, but no, it's so much complicated for me and yet so simple. I am attracted to the opposite gender so much that I have made it my god. It worked for a long time but my girl got sick of the social security system not providing the sexstamps for my needs and left me for that.

Botherational recreationistic writings of all time and space[edit]

Featured Illogicopedian

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This user is a winner of the Illogicopedian of the Month award.

(See other winners)

  1. Caw-caw bird
  2. Palindrone
  3. Noseania
  4. System of a Down
  5. Hairy hair
  6. Palmtree
  7. Jotunheim
  8. Pie that tastes like a pie
  9. Homocabulary
  10. Thane Athos Bible
  11. Þ
  12. American Jesus
  13. Creativity
  14. Skrillex
  15. Gingerbread mortification syndrome
  16. You don't exist. Therefore, evolution
  17. No sleepwalking in class
  18. Watafakkism
  19. Tetanus Caesar
  20. Nokia
  21. Sunny Town Erection Party
  22. Lenoojrlkjheirotpykms
  23. Memoirs of Illogy
  24. Uh uh uh underwear
  25. Illogicium
  26. $w4g
  27. ParticipaStory
  28. Wpeirjfsfmsdetyrtruism‎
  29. Chaos talisman
  30. Arseus
  31. Chaos
  32. Psychonecrosis
  33. Turd World War
  34. Qpågirophuet
  35. This article has nothing to do with its topic
  36. Theism
  37. Rofloptr's saga
  38. No rules allowed


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