Vincent van Gogh

Vincent van Gogh was a Dutch artist who painted with his eyebrows. This quirk earned him world wide success and a lot of canned peaches.

Eyebrow self portrait. Painted with his own eyebrows.

Early life

Vincent was born in an artist's studio and raised by paintbrushes. It was an obscure year which no one bothered to record. The historians were on holiday.

He soon learned to paint by numbers and whips. The numbers were easier to draw than the whips because they just kept on whipping away. Then, one morning he woke up to find his bedroom descending into some kind of hellish pool. It was filled with fish.

Wednesdays were never good for young Vincent. He kept on bumping into skeletons and foreseeing peoples death. However, marshmallow roasting always occurred on Friday nights, which was apparently a good thing.

As a cocky teenager he hung out with the "punks" who were hanging around the streets with their intimidating CD players and broomsticks. They encouraged him to smoke salmon, a class A drug. He dropped out of university to pursue a career in the local sandwich factory and help them produce slugs for the millions of horny hungry Dutch workers.