What do you think you're doing with that chair?

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What do you think you're doing with that chair?

I told you to bring it over here. You picked it up. That was cool. But now you're trying to balance it on your head. Whatever for? That won't help anyone; you'll probably just end up dropping it on the floor. Or your feet. And look at you, that's exactly what you did. See, what did I tell you? Are you going to be ok? Do you need−-

That's not going to end well.

Oh, now you're going to kick the chair? Sure, that'll do a whole lot of good--not. You could at least kick it in my direction, though... which you aren't doing. You're kicking it towards the window. How is this going to help anything? What are you trying to accomplish? Why aren't you talking to me?

Now you're by the window. You won't kick the thing into the wall, will you? I see--you're lifting it up and--whacking the window with it?! What the hell? That's a perfectly good window. It never hurt you so why are you hurting it? Besides, we just had the thing cleaned and it cost quite a lot of money. It's a very expensive window, too, I'll have you know--stained glass and all, with that picture of Gay Jesus being crucified on a rainbow cross. And you just broke it. Shame on you.

Why did you just jump out the broken window? You could hurt yourself doing that, you know. It's only about a five foot drop, onto genetically engineered talking grass, but still. I can hear the grass squealing. See what you've done? Are you deaf or something?

I see you've taken the chair with you. I don't suppose you're going to climb back in, seeing as the window's a jagged mess. I'm amazed you didn't cut yourself. Looks like the chair took a beating, though--but wait, that's just because you're chewing on it. Why the hell are you chewing on my chair? You do realise that's an exclusive Cat Barf chair from Ikea, made from real shoggoth skin, with custom designs of fanged bananas on it? How old are you--five? And why are you making those weird Hollywood worm noises?

You know what, I've had quite enough of you. You were one of my most loyal, trusted employees, but it's become clear to me that you're actually an insane troublemaker. You're fired.

Wait, you are going to climb back in? Didn't I just say I don't want you around anymore? Why are you poking me with the chair? Why are you trying to back me into the corner? Hey--I can't breathe very well--

--are those fangs?

Yike! You're a vampire! Don't bite me, please!

Oh well...

This article is an entry for The PEWIP Challenge.
Plz don't touch it