Like mercury amalgam, wisdom fills the back teeth of humans. It carries the same weight as depleted uranium when used by a bombshell like Dorothy Parker, but is lighter than aluminium when used by a dud like Justin Timberlake.
The Getting of Wisdom
|Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.|
—Proverbs 4:7a, clause XVII (not valid in Kentucky or Louisiana after sunset).
Wisdom usually irrupts from the gums -- or in some cases the soft palate, tongue, or pancreas -- some time after adolescence and before death. In cases where death comes before adolescence, consult a phrenologist and pray to Ganesh for wisdom. Burn an offering of dental floss.
With wisdom cometh gas, yet one is required by the Torah not to fart in the synagogue. This Talmudic teaching was one reason Spinoza abandoned his greatest work, The Moral Calculus of the Teeth, and became a Mormon two hundred years before Mormonism existed.
Wisdom which comes in crooked is very common, especially among preachers, politicians, and CEOs of large businesses. Genocidal cannibals hooked on crack are also subject to crooked wisdom, but they're not as bad as politicians.
The Losing of Wisdom
Wisdom can be lost in any of several ways.
- Howler monkey assault
- Navel projectile vomiting
- Oral jackhammering
- Eating granite boulders
- Reading À la recherche du temps perdu on a bus
- God going away on business
In fact[citration needed], most humans lose their wisdom before it has even fully come in. They are willing to pay quite amazing sums to get rid of it. Males often go to Nevada and visit a "house of ill dispute" to lose their wisdom; women just get married instead.
Either way the losing of wisdom can be very expensive. It could cost you about 10 pounds. Like a camera. ...Wait...cameras add weight... OH NOES! THE CARTOONS!
| Magnificent Madness
This article was one of the Top Ten articles of 2007.