Atopius
Atopius, full name Atopius Caesar, is often considered the best user.
Atopius was born on 144 BC in rome. His mother was named Marcia and his dad was named Gaius Julius Caeser I. When he was little, he somehow managed to create a bomb. He once was carrying it when he suddenly smelled his fathers bad breath. It exploded and killed 3,000 people. He became a prisoner and went to the official Prison of Garbage. WHen he went here, he cried so much his tears flooded the whole entire prison and killed 2,000 more people in what is known as the Great Atopius Flood. His brother, Gaius Julius Caeser II, somehow got swept into the gutters.
He didn't see his brother for 44 years until suddenly he came with a son and a wife. He thought his son was ugly so he tried to create a bomb again. Instead, he ended up making fried chicken somehow and ended up having a feast with his family where they also enjoyed flamingo and parrot tongues. The fried chicken was considered too exotic and "gross" so they kicked him out. In 49 BC, his nephew got brought power. He didn't like this, so he managed to become a senator and then stabbed him, along with like 60 something other people. After Caeser died, he ran away and somehow swam across the mediterranean sea to Africa. He did this in time to celebrate his 100th birthday.Once he was in Africa, he started traveling to Egypt. Once he was there, he somehow exploded a whole pyramid, killing 2,000 more people. He was brought to a hanger where he was almost executed. He managed to survive by somehow hiding a bomb in hs pocket and throwing it at the executor. He ended up killing 500 people. He ended up escaping and going up to gaul.
Once he was there, he saw a border and decided to steal a boat just so he could go to the UK, which is very dumb as their food is trash. As soon as he went there, he started vomiting because they ate beans blended with sausage. He ended up going up to Scotland, where he met the Baracko Tribe. He ended up marrying the leader, Barack Obama, not because he was gay, but rather because he hated women. They lived happily ever after for like 30 years, until old Barack got the cold and evaporated. After that, he ended up starting a business, known as BFC (Baracko Fried Chicken). This got popular, spreading across Europe and even Rome itself. He ended up passing the business on to his grandson, Abottumius. He ended up living in a cabin in Scotland for a while, like a few hundred years. In 476 he heard that the Roman empire had fell. He ended up going there and creating his own known as Baraatopia. This was a place in nowadays Scotland. He ended up going into a cave and wasn't seen for a while.
On 1400, he came out and it was so bright his eyes nearly blinded. He saw that Baraatopia was thriving and it had his own king named Barack Obama XLVII. Atopius came and as soon as he did, thousands of people went to where he was. He had became a myth over the last 1,000 years, and most Barackis thought he was a story. They all started a ceremony and the whole kingdom celebrated. He ended up talking about what he did there, and explained how he built a whole mansion in the cave. They decided to execute their current king, Barack Obama XLVII, using a Dihexploder. Atopius became the king and started growing the place. It took over all of Scotland by 1444.
The Collapse of Baraatopia came in 1500, due to the English rising up and conquering the place. Atopius luckily escaped and fled all the way to the Americas, making him one of the first to travel there. He settled in New York where Native Americans started chasing him with 10 inch arrows laced with their own Sauce (if you know what I mean). He started running and tripped 50 feet straight into a lake. He called the Native Americans the "Dihsaucians" and started building a town on his own. He called it New York City (duh) until random idiot DUTCH people came and took over it 200 years later. He decided to just live there because why not. In 1930, he went to visit the gravesite of his (g80) grandson Abottomius LXXX, who had died because of some mysterious murderer. It was in the Kenyucky Gravesite which made him ungraved the body and put it in his own graveyard called the Caesar Gravesite. Nowadays the gravesite has 90 people buried in it. In 2000, he moved upsate because he was tried of the annoying cars and other stupid vie-etch-calls- or whatever. He was officially given the Guinness World Record in 2013 for the oldest person, being 2,169 years old. 20x older than the previous record, and 2x older than that juvenile prisoner or whatever! He also hangs out with Barack Obama, which is actually Barack Hussein Obama III, not Barack Obama from 30 BC or whatever.