IllogiNews:Duck Tape

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U.S. President Bush speaks out against new Duck Tape.

"Duck Tape is an outrage. It's a cruelty to ducks everywhere."

He proceeded to pull an assortment of rubber ducks out of his pants.

"I, for one, am a lover of ducks."

To truly understand what he means, however, one must know everything about this new product called Duck Tape.

Duck Tape is a surprisingly strong new breed of tape. However, to many people's surprise, Duck Tape is more closely related to glue. The original Duck Tape was made by cross-breeding Scottish Tape with Lawnmower Ducks. Later, after seeing what a magnificent invention it was, manufacturers began producing a synthetic version large-scale by mixing burnt duck feathers with Elmur's Skool Gloo. However, because there is no way to take feathers off a duck without hours of painstaking work, the entirity of the duck was to be burnt. The Humane Society was going to put them all under arrest, but under pressure by a rabid kumkwat changed their name to the Human Society, who doesn't give crap about anything but humans.

Not much is known about the future of Duck Tape except that it will face much controversy. Stay tuned to this page for more info.