IllogiNews:Fifty thousand tortoises launched; television host complains

This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.

Lighthouse Domain, DL – An attempt at public relations has turned rightly awry as fifty thousand tortoise shells descend from the sky and onto people's homes. "Well, the glossary said they were birds", one of the event organisers claimed, "even though they're actually tortoises. So we just assumed they could fly and went with it."

The species of tortoise in question was the legendary honking bird, known to confuse predators with its precisely birdlike disguise incorporating a beak, stubby legs, and hard outer shell. The cacophony of honking that ensued upon launch disturbed many citizens and incited a reasonable amount of communal interest. A visitor nearby attempted to incite riots by launching a legion of monkeys into the air perpendicular to the tortoises, but was shortly arrested and detained. Additionally, the rabbits and bats still loose in the party household bred with eachother over the springtime, causing a mild interference with winged, hopping, fluffy rats.

Despite the event being a promotional stunt for the upcoming short documentary series Noyvis Dundee: Reptile Hunter, the mildly paranoid host, who had a few weeks beforehand been working as a pizza deliveryman, voiced his concerns prior to the act commencing. "There will be no rest from the honking", he affirmed, "or the rain of tortoise shells. I'll be unable to find any refuge – even in the safety of my own home I'll be forever haunted by the clattering against my roof".

He also mentioned fears of the tortoises gaining anti-gravitational traction into outer space, wherein they will come into contact with extraterrestrial substances and mutate, claiming dominance over the human race.

"The arrival of alien tortoises has always been a concern of mine", he noted. "Why do I have this job anyway?"