IllogiNews:Guy Gets Crazy

This article was too bizarre for Uncyclopedia,   but Illogicopedia loves random stuff.

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NEW YORK, Ny

There it was. A man was really drunk and he did really crazy stunts. Reporters say he was also on crack. He survived this really big day, but it was suicidal.

First Stunt

His first stunt was to blast himself off a cannon to Mars. He suceeded, but he hit his head on Mars, yet remained uninjured. Police say he was a crazy bastard doing this stuff. The Warner Bros decided they should get all they could to get this crazy bastard. He was running and running untill ge reached Ass, Italy.

Second Stunt

He was gonna jump The Ass Tower 20 stories high from the sky. Cops thought this would be suicidal. They tried to stop him, but he wouldn't listen. The cops could not go fight because they were too pussy to fight him. Then he jumped off the tower with no way of stoping him. He was falling and falling untill he reached the ground. Then he ran back to New York.

Third Stunt

Hell yeah!!

When he reached New York he was gonna ski down the Empire State Bulding into the smelly and shitty sewer. He said to the police, "GO KILL YOURSELVES!" and skied down the building into the smelly and shitty sewer. But he made a mistake: He landed in the power plant! He quickly escaped and the power plant exploded. He ran to The Bronx and the police lost him. He was so happy and so exited of escaping the police and SWAT team.

Arrest

He was arrested 2 weeks later when he was crapping in his toilet and reading the newspaper. His arrest only lasted for 8 hours, so he could "chill the fork out". He was later taken out of jail and he'd learned a big lesson. "Beers suck, get Kool-Aid". From then on he went to the market to get Kool-Aid, since he was no longer a drunky.