IllogiNews:Horoscopes for August, 2011

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This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.

  • Gemini-Die on top of the Leaning Tower of Pizza due to clogged arteries. Eat an edible hat.
  • Taurus-What comes around must go around? Wait, what in the hell am I saying? Who? Whuh?
  • Virgo-Mahmoud Ahmadinajewkillerad will steal everything you own right now. Fall off an invisible cliff.
  • Libra-You will gain 450,000 pounds after eating that chocolate bar and playing vidja games.

Dammit! Hurricane Irene killed us all! Mah stuff is gone! Wht am I yelling in mah evul form?

This is all.