A Normal Conversation

I tried as much as i could to make a normal conversation with my friend. This is how it went:

ME: So...hi, friend.

FRIEND: Hey don't call me that. Call me my real name.

ME: Okay...er...hi Mr. My Real Name.

FRIEND: GAHHH! Try to be normal. Okay, other friend.

ME: What lovely weather we are having.

FRIEND: You call this lovely weather??? It's horrible!

ME: I hope the weather stays the same.

FRIEND: You hope the weather stays the same??? What goes on in that head of yours?

ME: Thoughts.

FRIEND: Thank you, Captain Obvious.'

(Captain Obvious bursts out of the ground)

CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: No need to thank me.

FRIEND: I was making a figure of speech.

CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Ah, i see. Just giving a speech. I always wondered how you could actually "give" one away though.

FRIEND: That was also a figure of speech.

CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Wow! Two speeches! You should be a lecturer.

FRIEND: Let's try and make this normal. Goodbye, Captain Oblivious.

CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Byes are good?? I thought saying bye to someone who was going to die is not good.

FRIEND: I was just saying an everyday word in an everyday sentence.

CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Well...i have a train to catch.

FRIEND: Do you have a net to catch it with?

CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Oh no, i haven't thought of that! I'd best buy a net!! THANKS FOR REMINDING ME!!!

(He runs to the net shop)

FRIEND: That was....not normal.

ME: What was?

FRIEND: That.

ME: I always thought that was normal.

FRIEND: Well...that isn't anymore....do you even know what i'm talking about?

ME: How should i know? I am merely a cameraman.

FRIEND: You don't even have a job, an occupation.

ME" I have an occupation as a student.

FRIEND: Shut up.

ME: I was only programmed to shut down.

FRIEND: You were programmed?

ME: No, i was just trying to annoy you.

YOU: Who? ME?

ME: No, not you, You. Him.

HIM: Who? ME?

ME: Yes you, Him. Not to be confused with you, You.

YOU: Sure thing.

HIM: Sure is not a thing, let alone an object. I might state it is like slang even.

YOU: Of course, sure is not a thing. Things do not have minds of their own.

HIM: Sure does not.

YOU: Ah, but it "sure does".

HIM: Was that a pathetic attempt at a pun?

YOU: No, i was just trying to make the story more exciting.

HIM: That cannot possibly work.

ME: Ah, but it can.

HIM: Hey, do you actually know what i am referring to by "that"?

ME: No, but i try.

HIM: Trying is not as easy as it looks.

ME: Yes, especially since trying does not look.

HIM: Yes....i suppose so. Now i must catch a train....with this net.

(He literally catches train)

ME: So i'm left with you, You.

YOU: Yes, you.

ME: You are referring to yourself, right?

YOU: No, i am referring to you.

ME: Which is you, since you are You.

YOU: Oh shut up. I'm leaving.

ME: You have always left.

FRIEND: Can someone tell me what's happening?

YOU: I happened.

ME: You happened long ago! LONG AGO!

YOU: So it would seem if i did not live in a submarine.

ME: YOU DO???

YOU: ...This is why i don't try to rhyme.

FRIEND: That...was a rhyme?

ME: Rhyme time.

FRIEND: I got a good rhyme. Why do pigs fly?

ME: IS that a question or a rhyme?

FRIEND: Both.

ME: SO, it's a questyme?

FRIEND: No. It is both.

BOTH: I am both. Clarify, please.

FRIEND: See. He is both. Both, as in both things. Both (himself) and both (questyme).

BOTH: No you are confusing me. I am Both as in both.

ME: So...as in Both, right?

BOTH: No, but as in both.

ME: No difference.

BOTH: No. One difference.

FRIEND: Indifference?

BOTH: No. One difference.

FRIEND: OH, go away.

BOTH: I have gone this way many times. Many times.

ME: This is hardly normal.

HARD LEE: Who called me? WACHOW!

ME: WHAT IS THIS WACHOW YOU SPEAK OF?

HARD LEE: Eh? This Wachow is meaty dumpling thing.

BOTH: Meaty dumpling thing.... Is that all of them?

HARD LEE: No, but a threesome.

BOTH: And that would be?

HARD LEE: ALL! I AM CORRECT!

(he leaves)

BOTH: I must part.

(he also leaves)

(someone shuffles their fingers and clicks their feet)

PERSON: Doo-dah-dee-dum-dah-dee-doo.

And so....this is not as normal as you think, but rather abnormal?

ME: Do you mean as in...my abdomens are normal?

No, i mean as in abnormal.

ME: I see.

BLIND GUY: Well, i don't.

See also

• Friendly conversation