Annual Nonce Day

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Annual Nonce Day is a UK public holiday designed to celebrate the greatness of British nonces. Children who are homeless will be chained to the street, while nonces are given special keys to unlock the children and take as many as they can away. The broadcasting for the day is changed to showcase British nonces throughout history and other programs such as Nonces Live, hosted by Gary Glitter and Ian Watkins, where various nonces have video cameras attached to the their body, showing their scrupulous activity of trying to chat up 12-year-old girls in streets.

Various places also celebrate Annual Nonce Day. Many off-licences will open up as nonce-licences to show that they are nonce friendly. The Houses of Parliament are covered with a large sheet of fabric that has 'NONCES WERE HERE' written on it. McDonalds celebrate the day with the double cheese nonceburger, containing 2% child extract.

To celebrate the end of Annual Nonce Day, 100,000 so-called 'firenonces' will light up the sky of the Paedoph Isles, set fire by the children that the nonces captured. They all sing and rejoice this following poem:

You are a paedophile, you are a nonce,

you're a perv,

you're a slot badger,

you're a two pin din plug,

you're a bush dodger,

you're a small bean regarder,

you're an unabummer,

you're a nut administrator,

you're a bent ref,

you're the crazy world of Arthur Brown,

you're a fence foal,

you're a free willy,

you're a chimney bottler,

you're a bunty man,

you're a shrub rocketeer...