Boats

“Oh, I love to row my boat boat,

To keep us all afloat float,

There's nothing like the sea,

It's fun for you and me,

Huh? Looks like my backing singer just went under.

Oh well.

Scubadubaduba dubadubadubodeam.”

~ I'm the scat man

Ah, boats, boats, boats. Where would we be without boats? Probably stranded, since we'd have no way to successfully travel large bodies of water. I wouldn't really mind that, though, since this town already has pretty much everything anyway. I'm not sure if I can keep up this narrator act for much longer. I'm gonna be working even longer hours once this next season comes around so I'd better get some kind of raise around here. Guide my sleigh, little busboy.

Sometimes people use boats to go on cruises, but those things are freakin' massive so we call them ships instead. If you're lucky, you could seize the rare opportunity to find a ship on a boat, but that only occurs in certain well-known film and media productions such as the Titanic and others.

Christening a boat

Usually this is done by smacking a well-aged bottle of fizzy pop across the boat's lower half and naming it whatever takes your fancy, like Milty or Sunscreen. Canoes might not take too kindly to this practice, but magnificent ocean liners revel in it.

A critical step to this process is to make sure not to leave the pop back at the shop. This would have to result in heading back to the pop shop to retrieve it, and only delaying the live broadcast, risking running over scheduled programming time.

This article is burly men unfolding umbrellas.   Maybe you should help it on its way.