Calendar
Creation[edit | edit source]
The creation of calendars lies in a shroud of mysteries. However, as far as our oldest gas-station soda stains can tell us, it started when Charlie "Funny Hitler" Chaplin forgot the birthday of his third niece, twice removed, for the second time (thrice removed). He was arrested for child mistreatment after his niece complained to her negative first father, zero times removed, who was elected Chancellor of Germany on January 30, 1933. Charlie was immediately jailed for life, but with a catch: if he could remember when 365.25 days passed four times in a row, then he would be able to leave. Unless he was a Jew.
Charlie thought all day. At night he would practice his tap dancing. During the quantum-confused state known as "sunset", Charlie had a frankly terrible idea. Using his self-developed, highly specialized routine known as "Wake up, Satan!", Charlie Chaplin tapped out 365 right-angled pentagons into the concrete floor. He then would tap 10 times per second and therefore kept track of the days. Every 14400 taps he would move over to the next pentagon, and every 5259600 taps he would tap on air and walk square-pentagonly on the first marker. He performed this routine frice.
Finally, after four years, Charlie Chaplin completed his routine. The guards clapped enthusiastically because that awful racket had finally stopped, thank the lord. However, Charlie, unused to not tap-dancing, promptly died to due a shortage of nutrition.
"The Charlie-Chaplindar" routine was henceforth never attempted ever again, however the first fourth of the dance script can be seen in every household.
Different Calendars[edit | edit source]
There is much debate about what religion Charlie Chaplin followed. Therefore, there are many different calendars depending on what religion you believe Charlie Chaplin followed. The most popular calendar is championed by the Gregorist Church, where sheep are considered the supreme beings, only that the supreme beings are a bit lazy and honestly don't care about humanity. The Gregorian Calendar continues to be the most popular calendar.
Holidays[edit | edit source]
Every January 30, to celebrate the kindness and altruism of Charlie's captor, is celebrated as International Charlie Chaplin's Twice-Removed Third Niece's Negative Not-Removed Negative First Father's Day. This is the most famous holiday and is known as a day for love, peace, and tolerance.