Can't think of any ideas for red links

"Thought I'd never get through." said Strawberry, heaving a sigh of relief that almost broke the phone. He clung desperately to his raffle winning ticket, the £5000 phone bill about to be vindicated.

"Yeah, we only bother taking calls from people who sit through a full week of 'Easy Like A Sunday Morning'," replied the unknown operator at the other end. "Helps weed out the weaklings, company policy." Strawberry grinned to himself. "So without further ado..." Strawberry heard a button being pressed at the other end, before being greeted by the pre-recorded voice he so desperately hated, "<font-family:'Arial'>CONGRATULATIONS! AS OUR LUCKY CONTESTER WINNER YOU, YES, YOU, CAN GET US, THE GUYS AT LYNX, TO DESIGN ANY FLAVOUR OF DEODERANT YOU COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE! AND WE'LL SEND YOU A YEARS SUPPLY OF IT! FOR FREE! ...HUNDRED POUNDS! ANTHRAX, AIDS, B.O., TOILET CLEANER, PAINT, GLUE, STRAWBERRY, ADDIDAS SPORT, YUMMY, BANANA, COLA, ILLOGICOPEDIA AND YOUR MUM ARE NOT ELIGABLE FLAVOUR CHOICES. A YEAR'S SUPPLY EQUATES TO THREE CANS. WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR EXPLOSIONS, WHITE PATCHES, UNRELATED DRIVEBYS AND ANY OTHER KIND OF DEFECT THAT MAY BE ASSOCIATED WITH OUR DEODERANT AS STATED IN THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS ON OUR WEBSITE IN VERY TINY WRITING. IF THE FAST SPEAKING THAT CONVEYS THIS MESSAGE CONFUSES YOU, OR YOU MISS SOMETHING, WE WILL LIE. WE WILL LIE, AND TRY AND GET YOU TO BELIEVE IT WAS THE WHIRRING OF THE VIDEO TAPE OR YOUR IMAGINATION. OFTEN OUR FIRST LINE OF ATTACK IS TO SAY IT WAS "NOTHING SPECIAL", SO WATCH OUT NEWB. NOT THAT YOU'LL HEAR THIS ANYWAY, WE HAVE A HABIT OF PICKING OUR MOMENT, OR ACCIDENTALLY LEANING ON THE FASTFORWARD BUTTON. MWAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA. FREE TOY NOT INCLUDED. ENJOY!"

Strawberry grabbed the receiver. "Sorry, I missed that last bit, had to go put the cat out. Did I miss anything?"

"Nothing special, have you decided what flavour you want yet, or do you need more time to think?"

Strawberry had waited so long for this he'd actually creamed himself. "Oh no, don't worry. I had an idea for it sometime yesterday after I passed out with dehydration. What it is, well, all my other deoderants leave embarrassing white marks, and over the years these have stopped me pulling. Girls saying a 'real man' wouldn't have such things. So what I want is a deoderant that leaves red marks."

"Wait... say what?"

"Not bright red ones. Kind of dried blood colour. So not only will I no longer have the embarrassing white marks, but it'll look like I've sacrificed my armpits in some heroic manly pursuit. The girls'll love it."

"Uhh, ok. I'm not sure that would work."

"What? What do you mean? the plan is flawless."

"Yeah but, I uhhh, I can't think of any ideas for red lynx."

"You what? I just gave you the idea!"

"Thanks for calling!" shouted the operator before hanging up. Strawberry was pretty sure he had heard laughter before the fuzz had kicked in. He didn't have enough energy left to kill himself.

When they found his body 6 weeks later Strawberry was in the advanced stages of decomposition. His skull had caved in, and a troop of ants were trying to force his arm through the window. His mother was brought to the scene.

"I'm sorry m'am, but I need you to tell me, is that your son?" asked the policeman, holding his hat in reverence.

Sobbing into the policeman's flourescent yellow jacket, it took the ageing old lady a full two minutes before she could answer. "HAHA HAHA HAH AHA HAHA HA WHAT A BELLEND!!!" she laughed, pointing at the remains of her son, Look at them white marks! How embarrassing!"