Cans of Corn for Children Who Aren't in Need

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Hello, I'm Sam Samuelson, and I'm here to tell you about an amazing new charitable program called "Cans of Corn for Children Who Aren't in Need".

It's simple, bring a can of corn to one of our specialized processing plants where we distribute the corn to children in upper-middle class white families. They don't need the corn, but you can give it to them.

A mother of one of the many children we unnecessarily helped had this to say, "You saved my fat ass a trip to Wal-Mart!"

If you want to make a difference, this is not the program for you.