Cheesy moob syndrome

Cheesy moob syndrome (man-boobus curdleus) is a genetic disorder that commonly affects obese males with Klinefelters syndrome. It causes the male to develop mutated, lactating breasts that curdles its own cheese and excretes it through the nipple.

The Moob

The moob of sufferers is commonly disfigured and can have an abnormal amount of hair around the nipples. They hang low, sometimes as low as the waist, and when chopped off will grow back within 2-3 weeks. When lit on fire, they emit mustard gas. This makes the already unpleasant moobs very hard to get rid of. The only known way to once and for all rid a person of the unwanted moob short of installing buttocks onto the chest is to put them out of their misery.

The Cheese

People who have this condition often pray to Cheesus

Cheese produced from the male breast has a 'sour, unpleasant taste', as Tom Cruise puts it. This is due to bacteria that curdles normal cheese being replaced with the sour moob gland. The sour moob gland adds the protein mantitsine to the mix, making the cheese deadly when devoured by anyone who does not believe in scientology, or Cheesus Christ (right).

The symptoms

There are many ways to spot if you are developing Cheesy moob syndrom. If your moob vibrates while in the shower, or you find the red around the nipple turning green, it is currently developing the sour moob gland and can still be treated via surgery. If it hangs down halfway to the belly button and excretes a milky, yellow substance, you already have it! Please kill yourself.

Even if you don't have it, just end it now. We're all depending on you!