Concussion Induced Astronomy
Concussion Induced Astronomy (CIA) is a field of study in Crazy Science that is concerned with observing the stars by means of repeated blows to the head. It started when a consistent pattern was been detected by researchers in people who are "seeing stars" when being hit on the head with extremely large mallets. They tend to go around in circles and make small bird noises, but by applying advanced math formulas to eccentricities in their orbits, completely accurate information about stars and planets that are not otherwise visible from the Earth can be deduced. This has effectively made the Hubble Telescope (and all other telescopes) obsolete, inciting astronomers to begin veritable orgies of astronomical discovery, chasing each other about with large mallets. This has also caused insurance rates for astronomers to skyrocket, as astronomy used to be a relatively safe profession in terms of health risk, marred only by the occasional meteorite cylinders bearing Martian Tripod Fighting-Machines with Heat-Rays.
Nonexistence of UFOs[edit | edit source]
Concussion Induced Astronomy holds that there are now no longer any such things as Unidentified Flying Objects, because all flying objects can be identified by means of this new technique!
101 Planets Theory[edit | edit source]
The 101 planets theory holds that there are actually ninetey-something planets that we can't even see, but can observe via concussion induced astronomy. A new naming system has been put into place for the planets of our Solar System, now known as the 101 Dalmations System, and Earth is therefore being renamed to "Dipstick".
Concussion Induced Astrology[edit | edit source]
Concussion Induced Astrology is a related pseudo-science that is concerned with predicting all kinds of other things based on regular Concussion Induced Astronomy. While still clearly bunk, it has been scientifically proven to be roughly 300 times more accurate than astrology of the regular, traditional type.
*Bonk!* "Oh by the way, what's your sign, baby?"
Television Produced Astronomy[edit | edit source]
Television Produced Astronomy is the observation of stars on television. i.e. movie stars, i.e. watching movies. It doesn't actually have very much to do with the heavens, because all movie stars go to hell DIDN'T YOU KNOW THAT!?