Debby Ryan Seacrest
Debby Ryan Seacrest can consume more potatoes than anyone in the state of Wisconsin, which is quite the impressive feat for someone with only 47 teeth.
Early life[edit | edit source]
Debby Ryan Seacrest was born on a tugboat in the Gulf of Mexico to a cactus and a panda. Much rejoicing. At an early age she displayed a love of textile factories and suitcase models. After her parents took notice of this, she was moved to the basement of a supermarket where she was mistaken for a household artichoke. Her educations was dedicated to reading the backs of cereal boxes and shampoo bottles while being lectured on the importance of proper chewing gum etiquette. She graduated at the top of her class and planned to live out the rest of her life shuffling the cards to a nonsensical board game, but fate had other plans for the young starlet.
Acting career[edit | edit source]
During the winter of 2078, Debby visited Hollywood on a whim and was quickly given the permission to star in a commercial about two subway cars colliding with a flamingo while writing phone numbers on a restroom wall. Due to her incredible acting talent, she soon developed a cult following with a group of people who really enjoy their toast buttered on the bottom side, if you know what I mean. She won all the awards and cashed all the checks and once smiled at you while passing you in a hallway, but you were too busy counting the cracks on the ceiling to notice.
Personal life[edit | edit source]
While visiting the cantaloupe fields of New Mexico, Debby stumbled her way to the location of a seaside marriage. Not wanting the occasion to go to waste, she forced the priest to pronounce her man and wife. This was not a popular move, but no one with a computer science degree was brave enough to challenge her on it, so most people just ignored it. She eventually retired from her long career of acting and took up numerous hobbies, including collecting soda bottles out of the garbage cans of her local zoo. Rumor has it you can sometimes hear her howling in the darkness on cold winter nights.