Divergent

<Initializing Simulation>

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I applied my heart to know wisdom, to understand our madness and folly. But I believe this too was a chasing of the wind. For in much wisdom is much grief. And he who increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.

VOICE 1: We have a problem. I can't anchor her to the sim.

VOICE 2: Calm down, Dan. Where exactly are you losing her?

VOICE 1: The interrogation. The program isn't having any effect.

VOICE 3: Good God, is she who I think she is?

VOICE 1: I know one way to find out. Hey, Veronica! Veronica! Can you hear me? Can you hear the sound of my voice?

VOICE 2: Oh my God, she's twitching.

VOICE 3: Heart rate's rising, people. I think we should let her out.

VOICE 2: Have her results been recorded?

VOICE 1: Yes. She's showing maximal aptitude for three of the factions.

VOICE 2: Erase the data, and let her out of there.

VERONICA: *GASP*

VOICE 1: You okay?

VOICE 2: I told you she'd be fine.

VERONICA: What in the-?

VOICE 2: Calm down. I'll explain everything to you right away.

VERONICA: What are three of you doing here? Only Dan was administering the test!

DAN: The results of your test were unexpected. Namely, the test was ineffective.

VERONICA: What?

JEROME: Yeah, you showed an acute awareness of your surroundings during the simulation. You also happened to show equal aptitude for three out of four factions.

VERONICA: Three out of four?

BARTHOLEMEW: Yeah, you're a fit for Brave, Selfless, and Smart!

VERONICA: You mean Dauntless, Abegnation, and Erudite?

JEROME: Exactly!

VERONICA: You know, there's something missing here. Maybe there should be another faction. Oh, how about Candor, for honesty?

BARTHOLEMEW: Yeah, but you didn't show any aptitude for Candor, or for Peace, though we figured that much out from your poker set and XBox collection.

JEROME: So yeah, three out of five factions, really.

VERONICA: Wait, didn't you just say three out of four?

JEROME: But you wanted Candor as a fifth faction, didn't you?

VERONICA: Yeah, I did, I guess. You know, I think the peace faction should be called Amity.

JEROME: So I wouldn't recommend you join Amity or Candor, but other than that, I think you're good to go, no problems.

VERONICA: But people are going to have such a hard time judging and labeling me. And boy, do I know people who'd just lose their minds if they couldn't categorize and label everything around them.

JEROME: Which is exactly why you must be extremely careful with your results. You are in serious trouble, young lady.

VERONICA: I cannot be categorized. I cannot be controlled. I am Divergent. And weak-willed people cannot stand me!

JEROME: Exactly! But these weak-willed people just happen to be extremely powerful, because you're living in a dystopian future, and therefore, your Divergence could prove to be a serious problem!

VERONICA: I know, right? I mean, it's extremely terrifying, but extremely exhilarating at the same time! And I think the powerful, weak willed person should be an Erudite bitch who has ironically turned her back on everything her faction stood for!

JEANINE MATTHEWS: Exactly, Veronica! Hi, I'm Jeanine Matthews, a powerful and influential Erudite whose paranoia and arrogance have completely superseded her thirst for knowledge and learning with the end result that all that I want to do is rule the world and murder difficult to categorize Divergent people like you!

VERONICA: So you're the haughty babe who wants to murder me! This is awesome! But you know, I'm getting a sense of deja vu here...

TOBIAS EATON: That's because of me! Hi, my name is Tobias Eaton, the original protagonist of this story. You went through a remarkably similar creative process about two months ago with me as the guy in the simulation, but you abandoned that story after, like, 30 pages. Can I be the main character again, please plz PLZ?!

VERNONICA: No, but you can be her mentor and boyfriend.

TOBIAS EATON: Okay, good enough.

VERONICA: Hmmm...and I think my name should be, like, Tris or Beatrice or something. And I'll be an Abegnation born child who defected to the Dauntless faction, just like you, Tobias!

TOBIAS: AWESOME!!!

VERONICA: And there should also be, like, some sort of heroic sacrifice.

TOBIAS EATON: You mean my Dad?

VERONICA: No, I think I'll go with my own parents. Your Dad happens to be an abusive asshole.

TOBIAS EATON: Oh, makes sense I guess. There was something pretty off about him even during your last creative process.

VERONICA: Oh, and I almost forgot. What about you test administrators?

DAN: Oh, don't mind us. We're just placeholders.

JEROME: Yeah, we help reel you into your story ideas, and get your creative juices flowing. I think our job here is done.

VERONICA: But I don't want you all to go! Okay, how about this? Dan, you're now a middle-aged Dauntless chick named Tori who'll appear in my final book!

[Dan morphs into a middle-aged chick wearing a tank top, body piercings and tattoos.]

TORI: Thanks, Veronica! I also think you should make me, like, really really hate Jeanine Matthews so I can be more of a badass.

VERONICA: Done! Oh, and I think the alarm is ringing. Sorry guys, I really have to go!

TOBIAS: Bye bye, Veronica! Just make sure to finish your damn book this time!

VERONICA: Bye, Tobias! Beatrice, or Tris, or whatever loves you very much!

[Veronica wakes up inside her dormitory at Northwestern University]