Elmer Von Cheezitson
Good Cheezythical Morning! Today, I'm gonna give you a little Illogicopedian history. The story of Elmer Von Cheezitson. Elmer Von Cheezitson was the man who created the Cheezit Empire in the year -2592. Let me tell you his entire life.
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Elmer was created through a complex process in which a Cheezit was thrown into space at such high speeds, it made a human. Elmer had the molecular structure of a Cheezit, though looked exactly like a human. Elmer did not need to breathe, eat, walk, or sleep, since Cheezits don't do any of that. Or, at least I hope so...
Pre-Teen Years[edit | edit source]
Elmer did not go to school, and had to be taught by the alignment of the stars in space. The stars taught him how to read, write, and even solve complex math equations. Soon, when he was 12, he had the intelligence of Albert Einstein.
Age Eighteen[edit | edit source]
18 was a big year for Elmer. Elmer was finally learning how to become an adult. The stars had helped him so much, and now they told him to figure stuff out on his own. Elmer could not find a girlfriend, a house, or even money because... Well, he was still in space, obviously. He figured out how to get by, and ended up living until he was 76.
Elmer's Death[edit | edit source]
Elmer was 76 and was suffering from heart disease. There were no doctors in space, so no one could help him. He unfortunately died and his skeleton vanished into the galaxy. He- Huh? What's this? A news story? Elmer's being recovered?! Well, that's great! What else does it say? ...He became president and banned everyone from using the letter L? We__, that sucks. Serious_y, what kind of stupid person wou_d make a _aw _ike that? We__, goodbye _adies and gent_emen. Good Cheezythica_ Morning.