The drapes are brown, indicating that they are a symbol for crippling diarrhea. Mr. Montgomory
English professors are feral carnivorous beasts, commonly preying on small rodents and poorly constructed essays. While not all are homosexual, enough are so that we need to mention it. They prefer to hunt solitary, hunting students with sharp grammar criticisms and an endless supply of weird posters with sadistically inspirational quotes. They worship the god-king Shakespeare, to whom they claim ancestry.
Yeah, I had an English teacher once. Bloody mess of a fellow. Then, of course, I did stab him 47 times with a rusty crowbar.
Do not hesitate to kill on site with some good old QED, or maybe a flamethrower.