Eoin Colfer
“VERY GRRROOOOVVVVVYYYY, BBBAAAAAABBBBBBYYYY!!!”
“He was a very good friend of mine.”
“IT'S FEEDING TIME!”
“"Maybe this day will be the happy day when I meet Colfer...”
“I like him.”
Eoin Colfer (born on May 14th, 1965 in Ireland) is an Irish author. He is also well known for looking about 20-25 years older than he truly is, but he is best known for his Artemis Foul novels, which are about an obnoxious 12 year old anti-hero child prodigy boy with shiny black hair, suits, and severe ego problems. Foul is also a criminal mastermind and hacker. He works for InfoWars. Fuck!
The novels were later adapted into a Disney live action movie starring some goddamn pretty boy dude named Ferdia Shaw (a newcomer to the acting scene), Judi Dench, Josh Gadd and some other people. It fucking sucked major ass, though the actors still tried fairly hard. What a goddamn shame. And on top of that, the budject for the damn film was over 125 MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS. What a waste of time and talents!
His latest novel is an adult fiction novel about the American rock band, Mink DeVille. It's set to be released in January of 2022.
Early life[edit | edit source]
Colfer was born in a banana smoothie factory in 1965 on the lands of Ireland. Growing up, he became easily fascinated by fairies and science fiction related materials, among other stuff including robots and Hansje Ravesteijn. He graduated from high school in 1983 and graduated from the University of Smart People in 1988.
His father was a German vampire and his mother was an Italian chef. OK...
Personal life[edit | edit source]
1@$#$F^U&HY&U&JUJUJ&UJ&JNUNBUYJ&! (That's Artemis Foul talk for, "He has a son and a wife.") He also owns numerous cafes and European sports cars.
He also has some well known aging problems. This isn't supposed to be rude or offensive, it's just the... truth.
Hobbies[edit | edit source]
Some of his fine hobbies include eating shaving cream, grooming his cool facial hair, and smelling onions until he cries. Another one includes buying many classic cars for his collection. Hip!
He also plays tennis on occasion. He isn't at all a professional player yet, however. But he definitely doesn't mind at all.