Follow My Instructions

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"Ok listen y'all, it's absolutely imperative that you Follow My Instructions. firstly you'll nee-"

"Wait wait wait, were you namedropping the title?"

"I don't think that's important right now. We don't have much time!"

" 'Til what happens exactly? We all die? George Bush is taken down a peg? what?"

"I'm sorry, who are you?"

" Terry T. Terrence 'The Terrydactyle' Tel Terrenson. And you?"

" I don't think it matters, we must escape now!!"

"Why? I can't smell any danger."

"Shut up! Shut up! I'm trying to create a sense of fast paced panic here, and you just seem to be lousing it up with your 'knowledge'. No one else is being such a douche."

"I didn't get the impression there was anybody else. Until I walked in on you it was just you and some phoney balooney Reader, like they give a crap."

"They, uhh, might?" Added The Guy hopefully.

"No they don't. They're too busy watching naked people falling into each other to take time out of their busy schedule for you."

The First guy glowered at Terry darkly. "Was it really necessary to use the condescending tone when you said 'you'?"

"Oh I think it was. You see, I'm just a traveler, wandering through your time and cyberspace. They call me the Tramp."

"Don't you mean the Doctor?"

"Nah, my practitioners license was revoked. Maybe I shouldn't have probed that Dalek. I didn't think he'd squeal..."

"Whatever man. Since you've ruined my concept for this article, what do you suggest we do now?"

"I guess we could play chequers?"

"Pffft, Chequers? That's like soo lame."

"No you're right, that's lame. We've got an infinite number of oppurtunities at our finger tips. We could do anything, we could fly, we could hunt wild asparagus. The possibilities are endless."

"D'you wanna go ask the Narrator for ideas?"


The Narrator, who was busy relieving himself had fixed a large gulf between him and them, you know, to give him time to finish up.

After crossing the last of the text mountains they arrived at his shady ranch. Laying down their equipment and removing their shoes (I don't like shoes, ok?) they walked slowly up to his amazingness.

Terry, bowed face down before the great one, offering a parcel of food as an offering. "Oh great one, I pray forth unto you, that you may flash upon us the flashlight of inspiration, using all 7 watts of it's glory to spring an idea hence forth into our worthless literary minds." The mighty one, obscured by his own radiance, spoke forth unto the pair. His voice resonated throughout the mountains like a pubescent tremor. Trees were felled by it's power, and a dear hurt it's paw upon tripping over, the Narrator had spoken. Tery and that first guy, (let's say for convenience we'll call him Terry, no wait I mean, Fred,) backed away, the instructions given to them blaring through their minds like fire. They were to meet his brilliance at Penis Peak, a mere speck on the distant horizon.

They journeyed on, trekking through wind and snow, trudging through porn infested sludge, swimming through the puddle they couldn't be arsed to walk round. They climbed to the tallest room in the tallest tower. They sunk to the lowest depth of the lowest cave (passing a jovial Bin Laden). Several months, and 56 Live Journal entries later they were there. Falling to the ground in exhaustion they rejoiced.

A beam of blinding light fell down from the clouds, clothed in glory the narrator stepped down to earth. He lowered his chiseled face to Terry and Fred's level, smiling.

" 'Lo Mortals. What exactly is it you want again?"

Ted, face touching the ground, trembled as he spoke.

"Oh mighty Narrator, grant us some inspiration. Please help us to expand our horizons, we're so terribly dull and haven't a clue what to do."

" Inspiration eh? Then Listen up, and listen good. I'll give you my best idea. The one I was saving for the apocalypse, I shall only tell you once."

The two humans grinned, ready for this grand epiphany. The Narrator looked Terry dead in the eye, he knew this would like, totally blow their minds. The very concept of it was genius. Brushing aside his own aura, he told them:

"I guess you guys could always play chequers?"