Frosty the snowman GOES HIGH ON HEROIN!
Frosty the Snowman was a friendly, caring snowman who could walk and talk and generally be nice. But that changed in a little known event which I will now reveal…
Chapter 1 - Way of the Buddha.
One day Frosty was walking down the street. It was in fact Christmas Eve, and Frosty had just been out to replace his carrot nose, as the day before it had been eaten by Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Killer Rabbit.
He was just retuning to his field when a Buddhist monk appeared out of nowhere and handed him a syringe filled with a strange liquid. Frosty didn't know what to do with the syringe, so he stuck it in himself. THAT'S WHEN IT ALL STARTED!!
Chapter 2 - 1's for the ready, 2's for the show, and 3's for GO F**K YOUR MOM!
That night, yes Christmas eve night, Frosty had a show. He was going to entertain many kids from around England. Being high on drugs didn't help. For a start, his saw person in half magic trick went horribly wrong, he shot a member of the audience for trying to guess how he did a trick, and told everyone to "GO TO HELL IF YOU DON'T LIKE THIS DAMN SHOW!". The kids hadn't a clue about what he was talking about. Nor did he. Oh and he put time bombs in the Christmas selection boxes.
Chapter 3 - Christmas Day
The show was a flop (obviously) and Frosty was arrested. He was in prison for Christmas Day, but got out by singing Mika until the guards died of severe brain haemorrhaging. Frosty then proceeded to go on a rape rampage for Christmas day, and took heroin every hour. He raped:
- Your Mom
- Your Dad
- Your Sister
- Your Brother
- You. Yes You. I'm not kidding. YOU AIN'T A VIRGIN NO MORE!!
He then ate all the chocolate from everyone's stockings and stole their prezzies and sold them on eBay.
Chapter 4 - Boxing Day taken literally
When it came to Boxing Day, he went round randomly mugging and attacking everyone he saw. His excuse was "Well, it's called Boxing Day", but we all know that's not what it means. We know it's the day when everyone gets all their cardboard boxes from the year and gives them to the homeless to live in. He was arrested again. But he had made a fatal mistake. As I said he ate all the kids' chocolate, but he also ate the selection boxes which he had put the time bombs in. When he lay down at night to sleep, one of the time bombs in his stomach (snowmen have stomachs now?!) got shaken too much. He promptly exploded.
Chapter 5 - Explanation
And that's why we haven't had a white Christmas for ages.
I hope you enjoyed the article, cuz if you didn't I will assume you are allied with geese and I WILL DESTROY YOU!!!!!!