Granola

Granola is a dry coarse substance made mainly of monkey bone marrow. It can be found under living room couches and often Nepal. Some people use it as food, but this is a horrid idea as it usually has some kind of parasite burrowed in it. Usually small bearded men name of Jacob. Without such parasites, granola wouldn't taste nearly as much like lamb, so people would be less likely to munch upon it. But that doesn't really matter, since they shouldn't be eating it in the first place because well… it has small bearded men living in it. That's not very nice to the small bearded men since they usually wind up being eaten as well. Which is also ill advised because they all have highly contagious terminal diseases. Please, don't eat granola.

Please to be staying away from my granolas.

Properties

Granola doesn't own any property because it is just a coarse brown stuffs. So I wouldn't trust it owning anything... would you? Let's say you need to leave your house for vacation, and someone needs to take care of your pet dog. Would you want a bag of granola caring for your pup? NO! So Granola is not responsible enough to have any property. End of story. Go home.

History

Granola was discovered in the haggard old woman without any shoes. It was the year 1345 and some adventure people from Europe were with an Indian or something who was teaching them about the Louisiana Purchase, and planting maize or some shit like that. And there was some Granola, so it got discovered and the Columbian Exchange happened. I don't make the rules. Do I look like I make the rules? No? What if I wear aviators? Now do I look like Im a rule-maker?

That's what I thought.

First rule is that you can't have any noses anymore.

Yeah that's right. MMMMhmmmm yeah you use that sand paper to sand your nose clean off.

Nutritional Facts

Thirty percent of your daily fiber and ninety six percent of your daily small bearded men named Jacob.

And that's all you really need to know.