Hi Joe

"Hi Joe!" The Crow speaks. Inside our very susceptible minds, abl to conform to such swindlery and Tommy-O-Teale-Foolery, where the SMash Potats can ferment our words, reduce to a powder consumable in space, we are yet to uncover the TRUE (as in, not false, like yo' golden teeth yopp!) meaning, of this epic poem spat out like the words of the Saints, all from one little friend in a cage downtown.

It boggles my mind, how we are able to know exactly when the universe began, from the day we discovered humans, to the day we realised that the internet is the Meaning Of Life, we are yet to discover just what, and if ever, what "Hi Joe" is alluding to.

Could it be, that the reincarnation of that man called Scotland, is born through the impeccably accurate prose, that sums up our entirety in our timeline, this space venture we still conclude to be nonsensical, in all it's respect that only started as a joke between two aliens to see whether they could take a supermarket bought Hoisin Duck wrap and create a new lifeform, all in the space of drinking some whiskey with the lads, while emceeing to happy hardcore in the back of Gordon's spare room?

Well this to me, sounds like we have ourselves a new reason for life existing. Our innocent crow, which we have no idea how he got there, or even how he managed to fly all the way from Venus to get to some blokes garden when he was eating his supper, is the creator of human existence!

Disclaimer: None of this is false. Before you diss this theory, I present to you the ultimate proof, that in fact the world is crow-shaped, we descended from a Hoisin Duck wrap bought from the local supermarket, and even now, we are being monitored as an experiment to see if we can crack the Genius Code, the one that Yong Prouse left us when he had too many largers and rolled down the stairs with his pants half down, legs akimbo!

During the War, when there was an ice shortage, an incredible mind, who we later discovered was James Hendericksseen, decided to fill the world with his finest ale he concocted during the Summit of The Greeter Gods. He decided that Ghoulfool, Yonh Prouse's enemy, was actually capable of drinking the river dry. So he filled it with various dyed colours of JH's ale, black, white, green, blye, and red. After this, he rolled a D20 to find that he had more life. And then he felt himself turn into a Giant Growth and toppled a few houses down, with people stating there was cyclone activity within the vicinity. And then, Hi Joe, arrived and stated that "No man cannot be born free without the influence of that fine ale, and I must, if we are playing mind games, have a taste of this brew!". So then Hi Joe ate this brew, with chunks of mangos and tactical soap, turned him into a Ether Master. And he ran amok the town, making the whole happy hardcore party an absolute state, with increased pressure from the residents for the party to end. But Hi Joe, saw his chance, and polluted the air with the gases of JH's ale. Then they all fell in love with the Devil, and learned that extra strong sticky tape has the ability to allow you to climb walls.

Until Hi Joe flew to the top of Blackpool Tower, and called out in his usual tone "Hangman's Comin'. Hangman's Comin'...." and signed with his name, "Hi Joe". And so the world knew of his name, the one who would begin to feed the world with the lifeforce fine ale.

Then Hi Joe announced his sane demands upon the world: "And now, introducing to you... The Cheetahmen. Let's dive into the television set, and become one with Video Gam-nes!!"

With a cheesy grin and smelly ale breathe, Hi Joe flew into the centre of the Bond villains volcano and summoned the Dark Priests, who then learned to shave too soon and would walk around with tissue stuck to their cheeks from the battlewounds. They all seemed slow to walk, so they researched The Wheel, and now they could run faster than a wedding party to the buffet table. The the War ended, ice was no longer short, it was 6 foot 3.

And that's how Hi Joe invented the world, and the happy hardcore emceeing genius lead to the beginning of time, man, and the universe itself. And I haven't gotten into how Viper teamed up with the Cheetahmen to create an interstellar war against the biker mice from Mars.

Note: If you are concerned about any issues raised within this document, please tell your phone by googling about your existential crisis and you will learn that nobody has a clue what they are on about. And self help isn't worth it unless you believe in yourself. So don't forget, to pay our ruler Hi Joe with the internet karma, and we will all be happy again in our dog's bed.