HowTo:Become a clock in between scenes

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The clock transition is a fundamental part of any television series aimed at people who don't understand changes of scenery, indicating the passing of time and possibly the growth of extra ligaments. Come the second season, however, the writers may begin jumping the shark and collectively decide that they need a larger variety of clocks to keep their viewers entertained. This often leads to abominable creations and terrifying human-clock hybrids. Many actors within the show aspire to become the clock as well, in order to gain extra pay and airtime. Being a stand-in for the clock is also a reasonably paid job, considering that on occasion impersonating a clock correctly requires several takes.

You will need[edit]

  • A suitable backdrop. A collection of numbers is recommended but not required, and markings may do the trick just fine. Esoteric and miscellaneous symbols may also be used, as when telling the time you can inform people that's it's actually leaf past triangle.
  • An assortment of limbs. Two arms is a required minimum, but up to six arms have been used before. Four was the original and reasonable number of arms to possess for the job – for the hour hand, minute hand, second hand, and the frightening millisecond hand that whirs around the entire time. You may need to have fairly flexible arms for this.
  • An affinity for sitting down in any given position. Although there have been some exceptions, sitting is usually ideal in order to activate all 68.5 chakras.

Method[edit]

Regular clocks often couldn't handle the pressure and had seizures (as seen above) before deciding to boycott the entertainment business.

Usually the director will signal for you when to start. You will be keeping in time with a metronome of around 60 beats per minute, though the tempo can reach 175 if the clock is particularly inaccurate. Begin to move your head and arms in syncopation to the rhythm. Moving your eyes will add more uncertainty and would certainly be effective for films with a lot of suspense.

What not to do[edit]

  • Don't use your legs as arms. This has been attempted before, and I don't know why they keep going back to it because it's not earning them any more money on the director's cut edition of When Harry Met Sally.
  • Don't decide to make your arms abnormally oversized in order to better suit the job. You just won't be a hit with the ladies anymore, like the time you were around too many rabbits and your allergies acted up and your face became 50 percent smaller than the rest of your head. There is the off chance that the girl from the electronics store will still try and get you to keep visiting, though. She'll be watching...
  • Don't abandon your original clocks. They're even better at being clocks than humans, so be sure to keep plenty nearby. If you still feel the need to jump the shark, opt for vintage designs, a grandfather clock, or getting your grandfather to be a clock. You never know what might ensue.