HowTo:Get People To Like You

So, you want other people to enjoy being around you instead of getting repulsed by your obscene body odor and inappropriately grim t-shirts. That's a noble goal to have. However, it's not an easy one to accomplish, especially if you're a complete schmuck. But, with this handy guide, you should be well on your way to having friends and being accepted.

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Do Stretching Exercises

No task can be completed without proper stretching beforehand. Make sure you're light and limber before following any of these other steps.

Breathing Exercises Help, Too

You can never be too prepared for a task.

Go Up to People

This is pretty self-explanatory. It is nearly impossible to get anyone to like you if you don't go near anyone. Approach people at a regular pace without making any weird or offensive movements. It's important to look as natural as possible, as you don't want others to know you're actively trying to seek out their kindness and friendship.

Say Hello

Or whatever your regional greeting is, like "Howdy!"

Note: Don't say a greeting from a region or period that is not yours. People do not like the person who introduces themselves with "Ahoy!"

Bring Up Some of Your Interests

As smoothly as you can, talk about some things you like. Make sure this sounds like it came up in the regular course of conversation. You shouldn't be interjecting "I like Robot Chicken" into the middle of their sentences. It's also important to note that you may have to lie about your interests. If you are interested in looking at pictures of pregnant women eating salads, you should not bring that up in conversation. People don't like people who have creepy interests like that. In this case, simply say that you're a fan of something normal people like, like Starbucks.

Make Eye Contact, But Not Too Much

Look into their eyes during the conversation, but don't stare. You will fail the first few times you attempt this.

Invite Them to Do Something

Ask them to catch a movie or hang out at a later date. People love when others are inviting and warm.

Get Rejected

No one wants to do anything with you.

Vomit in a Trashcan

It's better than on the ground, and you can hide your shame somewhat.

Go Home and Eat a Tub of Ben and Jerry's

You've had a long day.