I'm wearing iPod earphones, but I'm not listening to anything

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Why is that?

Why is the sky blue?

Nerd: Because it is the most visible part of the spectrum. *pushes up glasses*

Why will you never get laid?

Nerd: Because I'm a ne-. Wait a minute.

Boom sucka! You're gonna need some ice for that burn and then you'll realize that ice is a terrible thing to put on a burn due to the irritation that a quick and drastic change of temperature ice would do to a burn!

Nerd: Aloe would be more effective.

It would. Why are you still here?

Nerd: Star Trek's on a commercial break.

Do you think I should take off my earphones? I kinda like them. Whenever someone walks in the room they don't talk to me because they think I'm listening to music. Which I should be doing. *opens up iTunes*.

Nerd: What song will you listen to?

WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? BYE BYE. Well then... *picks song* That's better. It's kinda hard to listen to music and write at the same time. You try it.

Not Nerd: I have. It's fairly easy.

Nerd; it's so obvious you just put on a fake mustache. I mean really. It's embarrassing.

Nerd: *cries*

Finally. Why am I writing this? Who are you? WHO ARE THEY?

ROBOT ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!

Fuck. It's the Robot Zombie Apocalypse (which apparently are all proper nouns). I thought this was scheduled for 2012.

Leader of the Robot Zombie Apocalypse: We got antsy.

Happens to me all the time. So... What's your beef with Earth?

L.o.t.R.Z.A.: It's the final planet we need to destroy.

That's always fun. Damn, my song ended. Six minutes my ass. I mean seriously; half of it is just the opening over and over and over.

L.o.t.R.Z.A.: At least it isn't rap.

Good point. I'm starting to like you. What's your name?

L.o.t.R.Z.A.: My real name is Xryzopleauxptyux but you can call me Dave.

How do you pronounce that?

Dave: Ex-ryz-zo-ploh-te-yoo-ex. Starts with an X, ends with X. Pretty kickass if you ask me.

I agree. I have to ask you a favor. Can you, ya know, not destroy Earth.

Dave: What's in it for me?

We have these things called funnel cakes. To DIE for. I can hook you up with a lifetime supply. And Mountain Dew.

Dave: Hm... Tempting. Can you bring me some to taste?

Uh.. Yeah. *gets funnel cakes and Mountain Dew*

Dave: Oh my God! Earth will not be destroyed if I can eat these all day. I think I'll live here.

That's cool. I heard there's a house for sale downtown. I would go but I've got stuff to do.

Dave: See you strange man.

Goodbye. See how this article went from iPod earphones to finding a Robot Zombie a house. Betcha weren't expecting that. Shit I'm a terrible author.