I'm wearing iPod earphones, but I'm not listening to anything
Why is that?
Why is the sky blue?
Nerd: Because it is the most visible part of the spectrum. *pushes up glasses*
Why will you never get laid?
Nerd: Because I'm a ne-. Wait a minute.
Boom sucka! You're gonna need some ice for that burn and then you'll realize that ice is a terrible thing to put on a burn due to the irritation that a quick and drastic change of temperature ice would do to a burn!
Nerd: Aloe would be more effective.
It would. Why are you still here?
Nerd: Star Trek's on a commercial break.
Do you think I should take off my earphones? I kinda like them. Whenever someone walks in the room they don't talk to me because they think I'm listening to music. Which I should be doing. *opens up iTunes*.
Nerd: What song will you listen to?
WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? BYE BYE. Well then... *picks song* That's better. It's kinda hard to listen to music and write at the same time. You try it.
Not Nerd: I have. It's fairly easy.
Nerd; it's so obvious you just put on a fake mustache. I mean really. It's embarrassing.
Nerd: *cries*
Finally. Why am I writing this? Who are you? WHO ARE THEY?
ROBOT ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!
Fuck. It's the Robot Zombie Apocalypse (which apparently are all proper nouns). I thought this was scheduled for 2012.
Leader of the Robot Zombie Apocalypse: We got antsy.
Happens to me all the time. So... What's your beef with Earth?
L.o.t.R.Z.A.: It's the final planet we need to destroy.
That's always fun. Damn, my song ended. Six minutes my ass. I mean seriously; half of it is just the opening over and over and over.
L.o.t.R.Z.A.: At least it isn't rap.
Good point. I'm starting to like you. What's your name?
L.o.t.R.Z.A.: My real name is Xryzopleauxptyux but you can call me Dave.
How do you pronounce that?
Dave: Ex-ryz-zo-ploh-te-yoo-ex. Starts with an X, ends with X. Pretty kickass if you ask me.
I agree. I have to ask you a favor. Can you, ya know, not destroy Earth.
Dave: What's in it for me?
We have these things called funnel cakes. To DIE for. I can hook you up with a lifetime supply. And Mountain Dew.
Dave: Hm... Tempting. Can you bring me some to taste?
Uh.. Yeah. *gets funnel cakes and Mountain Dew*
Dave: Oh my God! Earth will not be destroyed if I can eat these all day. I think I'll live here.
That's cool. I heard there's a house for sale downtown. I would go but I've got stuff to do.
Dave: See you strange man.
Goodbye. See how this article went from iPod earphones to finding a Robot Zombie a house. Betcha weren't expecting that. Shit I'm a terrible author.