IllogiDictionary:Hamburger

From IllogiDictionary, the ABC of the Insane

Hamburger

noun

ham·​burg·​er ˈham-ˌbər-gər

variants or hamburg  

a

: ground beef

b

: a patty of ground beef

: a sandwich consisting of a patty of hamburger in a split typically round bun

I give you a hamburger. The universe is engulfed within itself. A bus advertising hotdogs drives by a papillon. It disapproves. An unnatural force reverses Earth's gravity. You ask for a hamburger. I reciprocate with a mildly convulsing potato. You disapprove. Your disapproval releases a cosmic shift in the void between birth and life. You ask for a hamburger. A certain small dog feasts on hamburger patties for the rest of its unnatural, eternal endurance. Your constant disapproval sends silence through everything. A contrived beast becomes omnipotent. You ask for a hamburger. I give you a hamburger your body becomes an unsettled blob of nothingness, then divides by three. The papillon barks. The universe realigns itself. You, the papillon, and the hamburger disapprove. This condemnation stops the realignment. Hades freezes over.

Impact on society

The revelations are shocking. You have been lied to, for the past 14 years, by a societal matrix clouded with insolent little imbeciles who have repeatedly told you that a hamburger consists of "a pAtTy, bUNs, aNd TOppInGs!" There are 8.194 billion people in the world, 9.278 billion of which can't properly define what a fucking hamburger is. A HAMBURGER is a BEEF PATTY usually SERVED with condiments. (eg. cheese, tomatoes, pickles, garnish such as ketchup/mustard, and lettuce) And YES, a burger IS A SANDWICH. If this isn't the case WHAT FUCKING ELSE IS IT??? Show me a picture of a sandwich. Show me a picture of a "Hamburger". Is everyone these days intoxicated into a death-loop of false information, unable to muster a fruitful attempt to get a grasp on reality? All while humouring at the fact that "hAmBuRGers dOn'T hAVe HaM"? Well guess what? McDonald's doesn't serve burgers, it serves hamburger sandwiches. If you went up to a drive-thru and asked for a singular hamburger and NOT a hamburger sandwich, I'm not a fucking mental health expert with Harvard Undergraduate degrees but I truly don't know the amount of psychiatric rehabilitation you need. It's called a HAMBURGER SANDWICH, and even those 15-year olds subsidised by federal minimum wage and government welfare working at McDonalds can't properly name the fucking food they serve.

Ham

noun

ˈham

Synonyms of ham

a

: the hollow of the knee

b

: a cut of meat consisting of a thigh

especially  : one from a hog

A pig is launched is launched into the unoccupied existence between space and time with a specific hamburger. You ask for a hamburger. I give you a hamburger. It screams as you lift it to your face. You laugh maniacally as I plead with you. You devour the hamburger as it pleads for mercy. I disapprove and condemn you to an eternity in a certain void where a certain pig and its specific hamburger are located. The Universal Space-time Continuum Committee disapproves of my irrational decision. You are locked away and are fed hamburgers for the rest of your natural existence. A pickle refuses to break down during the process of digestion. You die in a freak accident. A certain pickle lives the rest of its life in a comatose state. Your soul disapproves. Down the street a child cries as a hamburger gets stuck in, and climbs back up, her esophagus. You ask again for a hamburger. I refuse to reciprocate. You demand a lawyer. I remind you harshly that this is the new world order. Lawyers no longer exist. Only papillons. Your name is written on a list of sins. Blasphemy. You ask for a hamburger. The comatose pickle vanquishes your soul from this universe. Realignment occurs. You beg for a hamburger. A certain papillon's name is written on an obelisk in Egypt. Mumble. Peasants worship the obelisk. Your soulless corpse partakes in the festivity. Hamburgers are banned universally. The sun implodes. All planets cease to have ever existed. Mercury. Venus. Earth. Mars. Jupiter. Saturn. Uranus. Neptune. Pluto is the only mass in existence. Conveniently, you are on vacation here. Your need for hamburgers re-establishes space-time. Earth is recreated under your intergalactic rule. Hamburgers are your army. You wake up. Clowns. Clowns everywhere. Your dream rushes to meet you. You are kidnapped. You ask for a hamburger. They hand you a hotdog.

Well guess fucking what?

Hamburgers contain HAM! Why else would they referred to as HAMBURGERS, you smooth-brained troglodyte? An average McDonald's burger contains meat from other 100 different cow(s)/cow parts, meaning that it DOES contain some meat originating from the thigh, and ham as a noun is not inherently limited to hogs or pigs. And No, I will not be providing a citation simply because your empty-minded husk of a skull doesn't have the intellectual capacity to accept itself as being proven wrong.

This is a HAMBURGER SANDWICH!

More evidence

When your fat-ass pulls up to the Popeyes drive-thru and you ask for a chicken sandwich combo meal, realise that it's called a chicken sandwich for a reason! It's a piece of chicken suspended between usual sandwich condiments, creating a CHICKEN sandwich. So what is a beef patty, referred to as a hamburger, served with identical modifications called? It's a hamburger sandwich. Tell me I'm wrong after all of this through analytical and anecdotal evidence I've shoved in front of your fucking face. It's wild how 113.229% of our world's population doesn't understand the physical concept of a hamburger. You can drive to Walmart or Whole Foods (If you're a fucking spoiled brat) and buy a bunch of chicken sandwich patties labeled as: Chicken Burger because a burger is just a patty-shaped substance consisting of, conventionally, a meat-like filling. I'm sorry about making your self-esteem collapse under a 9.7 magnitude earthquake but some... (rather known as ALL) people can't get a FUCKING GRASP ON REALITY. Please, please go get some help. Go do something useful for society and get Betterhelp bankrupt. Or, alternatively, never touch a fucking Hamburger Sandwich again.

OpieOP BURGERS I EAT ALL DAY OpieOP LEAGUE OF LEGENDS I CANNOT PLAY OpieOP EU STAR PLAYERS I HAVE TO PAY OpieOP PROPER HEALTHCARE AN OCEAN AWAY OpieOP YOU GUESSED IT RIGHT OpieOP IM NA OpieOPOpieOP BURGERS I EAT ALL DAY OpieOP LEAGUE OF LEGENDS I CANNOT PLAY OpieOP EU STAR PLAYERS I HAVE TO PAY OpieOP PROPER HEALTHCARE AN OCEAN AWAY OpieOP YOU GUESSED IT RIGHT OpieOP IM NA OpieOPOpieOP BURGERS I EAT ALL DAY OpieOP LEAGUE OF LEGENDS I CANNOT PLAY OpieOP EU STAR PLAYERS I HAVE TO PAY OpieOP PROPER HEALTHCARE AN OCEAN AWAY OpieOP YOU GUESSED IT RIGHT OpieOP IM NA OpieOPOpieOP BURGERS I EAT ALL DAY OpieOP LEAGUE OF LEGENDS I CANNOT PLAY OpieOP EU STAR PLAYERS I HAVE TO PAY OpieOP PROPER HEALTHCARE AN OCEAN AWAY OpieOP YOU GUESSED IT RIGHT OpieOP IM NA OpieOPOpieOP BURGERS I EAT ALL DAY OpieOP LEAGUE OF LEGENDS I CANNOT PLAY OpieOP EU STAR PLAYERS I HAVE TO PAY OpieOP PROPER HEALTHCARE AN OCEAN AWAY OpieOP YOU GUESSED IT RIGHT OpieOP IM NA OpieOPOpieOP BURGERS I EAT ALL DAY OpieOP LEAGUE OF LEGENDS I CANNOT PLAY OpieOP EU STAR PLAYERS I HAVE TO PAY OpieOP PROPER HEALTHCARE AN OCEAN AWAY OpieOP YOU GUESSED IT RIGHT OpieOP IM NA OpieOP

Still don't believe me?

• You don't deserve to coexist with society
• I hope you got rugged by Logan Paul
• You're the biggest argument for reinstating California's gas chamber punishment
• Jump off bridge bro