IllogiNews:Egyptians shoot four at Kent State
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Kent, OHIO, U.S.A. - In a move that shocked the world, outgoing Egyptian President Hosni Murbarak, in his last act in office, today ordered his troops to kill four students at Kent State University in Ohio. "Any four will do, pick them off at random," Murbarak said on state television.
Before you could sing "FOUR DEAD IN O-HI-O" there were four dead in Ohio. The Egyptian troops marched onto campus about 11 a.m., shot it up like an old-time movie set, and marched out again. Police were baffled. Two of the students had been coupling on a hill, another was picking his nose on a bench, and the last dead student was a drunk just staggering home from a night on the town. All expired immediately, as Egyptian army soldiers are trained to be very good shots.
"I declare war on Egypt," said University Chancellor Zeb O'Diary, "and I hereby order our University police and student leaders to attack Egypt en masse."
Which they did. Taking up positions on the desert side of the pyramids - which are actually surprisingly close to the city streets, like a block away ("All the pictures show the pyramids from the other side, where all you see is desert behind them. How many pictures show the city right fucking' there?" asked Aussie-American actor Bruce Willis), and the Spinx is just about nose up against a utility building for Horus' sake - the two hundred Ohioians, giving as good as they had gotten, killed four Egyptians. Two were selling hummus, one was just biding her time between beatings, and the fourth was picking his nose.
"That about makes us even." said Chancellor O'Diary, ordering his troops to cease fire. Ex-President in-name-only Murbarak was unavailable for comment, but was seen riding a giraffe around the banks of the Nile while cheering wildly and loudly proclaiming himself both pharaoh and Boy-King.