IllogiNews:Midnight Internews Report
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Good evening folks, tonight's report is the first to broadcast on IllogiNews Network! Say Hello to the Illogicopedians!
Heh heh...
In the news tonight is the Yankees, the famous basketball team, who, together, have beaten a pair of twins to death for no apparent reason. The twins, Sabathia and Alexandria Rodriguez, were savagely beaten to death by 49,464 blows from each of the overpaid, steroid-ridden ball players, who were apparently angry that the girls had chastised them for missing a field goal. They then proceeded to use heavy equipment to flatten the girls. As if that wasn't enough, the rugby players continued to beat the lifeless bodies with dead horses, which were earlier beaten to death using more dead horses, which were also beaten to death by still more dead horses who... Ehhh, you get the idea. More as it happens.
Moving on.
The Feds say that the light spectrum is in crisis. Fedora agent Mr. Julius Genachowski warns one should not look at looms, as it could cause the spectrum to fall apart by introducing 'white spaces', a kind of pollution, which are already expected to increase by 30 times this year alone. Usage of the internet can also harm the spectrum, and firefighters and public service officials are known to eat the spectrum for some reason.
Also in the news, today is International Walk Your School Day!
Thousands of children from 40 countries gathered to pull South Burlington Elementary from it's foundation and take it for a walk, which somehow saves gas and somehow the environment...
Speaking of which, tree-huggers are up in a rage about the Aptera, a upcoming massive, gas-guzzling SUV that is claimed to be capable of causing global extinctions with a single cross-country trip. The three-wheeler, which is variously described as an 'egg on wheels' and 'a bird' is expected to enter production later this month.
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