IllogiNews:Nothing happens

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This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.

NEVERMIND, Nowhere

In a shocking twist of events in Miami, Florida, 87-year-old Gerald Medford sat in his wheelchair all day doing absolutely nothing. Except watching The Price is Right and wetting himself.

Meanwhile, many miles away in Berlin, Johann van Wolfsbane had intentions of raking his backyard today, but decided to do it tomorrow and did nothing instead.

A bunch of stoners in Chicago decided to sit on a couch all day and eat Cheetos, shirking all responsibilities and instead opting to do nothing.

An unemployed guy in Snuss, Georgia got yelled at by his wife at approximately 13:87 PM for being an irresponsible, jobless bum. She yelled at him, "Get a job you irresponsible, jobless bum!" He replied, "OKAY! OKAY!", then went back to managing his Fantasy Football league and doing nothing.

The first person to ever die breaks the world record again today for Most Days Spent Not Doing Anything.

Furthermore, some retard did nothing but read Illogicopedia all day. And yet they wonder why they have no friends.

Obama met with nobody to talk about nothing where nothing was resolved and no legislation was proposed.

My roommate sat on her fat ass all day and brushed her hair with a chicken ribcage. That she does nothing all day pisses me off, but I don't do anything about it.