IllogiNews:The slightly below average man saves day

This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.

BALTIC SEA, 6 Aym 2015:

A fisherboat rose from the bottom of the sea, the members screaming of joy. Unluckily, the slightly below average man just happened to be around. He tried and tried to push the boat back into the sea, but ultimately, there was a suprise. The event was recorded and the records transcribed, and here they are:

OOOOOH!!!

AAAAAHHHH!!!

This is so intense!

What am I gonna do?

I need some help!

Now! I can't hold it back for any longer now, please can someone help?

Then came Captain Obvious, and said: "Looks like you are in trouble."

SBAM: "THANK YOU CAPTAIN OBVIOUS! NO GO AWAY!"

CO: "Looks like you are screaming at me."

SBAM: "YES J00 STUPID STUPID N00B! I CAN PWN J00 IN 3 SECONDS!"

CO: "You are slightly below the average, therefore you will not pwn me because I am above the average."

SBAM: "YES! AND I'LL STILL PWN YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE HEAVILY BELOW THE AGERAGE IN PWNING!" (takes rocket laucher and blasts CO into outer space)

CO: "I'm in outer space."

SBAM: "Now where was I? Oh yeah, there are these people to save."

(starts to try and push the boat back to the bottom of the sea)

SBAM: "I STILL NEED HELP!"

(Vomitron comes and vomits on SBAM ond the boat)

SBAM: "THANKS J00 STOPID!"

Vomitron: "You're welcome."

Suddenly the ship sinks and everyone is happy.